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Single Parenting in the Summer
(provided by Lois V. Nightingale, Ph.D.)
During the school year it can be difficult enough for single parents to keep kids cared for and out of trouble, but when summer arrives and school activities are no longer available, the challenge becomes even more complicated. Many single parents are left with the dilemma of being happy about extra time with their children but also the concern about what to do with them while they are at work. The following are some practical tips to assist single parents during those long three months:
1. Let kids help in finding solutions. Give your child the opportunity to contribute when plans are being made for the out-of-school months. Model and let them participate in problem solving skills. Write down all possible solutions (theirs too) and write the pros and cons of each. Children cope better with complicated scheduling if they feel they have had some input. Let them help in writing out a schedule.
2. Make sure young children have fun, interesting people to spend time with. Grandparents or an aunt or uncle who really love kids can be a treat for your child; a parent of one of their friends can provide peer interaction as well as adult supervision. Summer school teachers or camp counselors can also contribute positive interactions to your children.
3. Find organizations that have activities during the summer, such as community Parks and Recreation Centers, camps, churches or temples, university programs for children, YMCA camps, health club day camps, etc. Groups that are accustomed to planning summer activities for children can help make your summer go more smoothly, and provide fun memories for your children.
4. If children will be spending part of the time home alone:
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A: Make sure you feel comfortable with leaving your child alone. There are no
hard and fast rules about at what age it is OK to leave a child alone. Some
children are mature enough to spend some time alone at age 9, others may be
very impulsive and high energy and need constant supervision until their teen
years. Some children are safe to leave alone but in the company of siblings
can become combative or less inhibited about breaking rules. Pay attention to
your comfort level. Ask your child how he or she feels. Ask what their
concerns are and how these might be addressed. Talk with friends who have
children near the ages of yours.
B: Walk them through what to do in case of emergencies or times they might feel scared or unsure of what to do. Ask them specific questions such as, "What would be the first thing you would you do in case of fire?" "What would you do if a stranger came to the door?" etc.
C: Leave a number where you can be reached. Instruct them how to use it (how to dial in a pager number or reach your extension, etc.) Allow kids the freedom to call their other parent when they want.
D: Give older children tools to help them cope with peer pressure (interesting organizations where they can volunteer, help role-play what they might say if one of their friends calls and wants to come over to the house while you are away, even drug testing if this has been a problem in the past.)
E: Leave kids a list of possible food choices for snacks or lunch. Children are more likely to choose healthier foods if there is a list posted.
F: Make a list of possible activities. When faced with boredom children often have difficulty being creative and thinking up new activities. Spark their creativity with a list. Check out books and tapes from the library, or video rentals. Help kids set up babysitting jobs, car washes or a dress-up box for younger kids to put on "plays" for you. Have safe art supplies on hand so they can be creative. (Be supportive even if they are making a gift for their other parent.)
G: Create a list of incentives for helping out with specific chores or helping out around the house. Make sure you follow through with what you promise when they help out. Motivating kids with "carrots" always works better than the threat of punishment.
6. Help your children write or draw pictures of three things they felt good about at the end of each day. Sometimes the summer can pass by so quickly that children forget their accomplishments or the fun activities they participated in. Writing a short list of accomplishments at the end of each day can help a child learn a habit that will provide them with good self-esteem for the rest of their lives. This will also provide them with a positive record of their summer.
7. Give your child something to look forward to. Having some fun time with you, a vacation or special event to look forward to, can help a child get through the time when you have to take care of other responsibilities.
8. Even if the situation during the summer cannot be changed, make sure that you are open to hearing your child's feelings. After you and your child have discussed all possible scheduling ideas, and plans are made for the summer, be sure to give your child the opportunity to express how he or she feels about the situation. And even if there appear no other solutions than the ones you have found acknowledge your child's feelings about the situation. Children need to feel that the adults who love them understand when they are feeling sad or disappointed or even angry. Accepting your child's feelings can help the difficult times go more smoothly.
9. Be good to yourself so you have energy for your children. Make sure to take some time for yourself this summer. Even taking a few minutes alone after work before you start with the evening activities can help "change gears" so that you have more patience and can enjoy this extra time with your children.
Information provided by:
Lois V. Nightingale, Ph.D.
Recommended Resources:
California Divorce Source
California Divorce Laws
California Community Forum
California Divorce Resources
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