Naturally, the legal dismemberment of a marriage – the separation, settlement negotiations, filing and divorce decree – do not normally follow the same trajectory of the emotional “tearing asunder.” This is why divorce is normally a painful process from start to finish.
Normally adults take time to regain their footing – that psychological equilibrium and emotional balance that allows them to function in the workplace and as parents. Ideally, the spouses in time develop and cultivate what can be called a “benign indifference” toward one another. Benign indifference doe not mean hatred; it means the spouses are no longer attached to one another.
Such indifference is a good outcome because when spouses are still wired emotionally, anger and fighting are the norm. Hostility between divorced adults, (which also harms the children), is “a sure indicator that the emotional split is incomplete.” And an incomplete split means the parents are not over the divorce, let alone the marriage.
At some point in every successful divorce recovery, the spouses must let go.