They are called affairs of the heart, and some research says that they are more destructive to a marriage than a one-night stand. In today’s business world, where men and woman work shoulder-to-shoulder in what can easily be the hothouse environments of corporate America, many men and many women find themselves exposed to the danger.
The danger is called an emotional affair.
Often begun as a friendship, an emotional affair excludes physical intimacy (such as intercourse) but includes emotional intimacy. Over time, an emotional affair drains the intimacy from the marriage of the straying spouse.
According to research, nearly half the husbands and more than half the wives had affairs with other people that had “a strong emotional involvement to the other person without intercourse.” Men’s extramarital affairs tend to be more sexual, women’s more emotional, and both happen in marriages with “the greatest marital dissatisfaction.”
What makes emotional affairs particularly dangerous is that because there is no sexual involvement (at least at the onset), the parties honestly believe they are not doing anything inappropriate. The other spouse may dismiss the relationship as nothing more than “a good friendship.”
Emotional affairs excavate a marriage from the inside. Like termites gnawing at the fibers, unseen and silently, an emotional affair weakens the trust of marriage. The betrayed spouse begins to withdraw “all trust-based privileges,” including access to his or her inner emotions. The betrayed spouse may also become angry knowing that his or her partner now shares intimacies that belong in the marriage and no place else.
At some point, emotional infidelity alienates the affection of the spouses, and it can pose a danger to the marriage because it happens in plain sight.
