Making it Work, the Second Time Around

From time to time, former spouses remarry each other, even though statistics are against them (and second marriages in general). According to Psychology Today, “… [A] whopping 60 percent of remarriages fail. And they do so even more quickly; after an average of 10 years, 37% of remarriages have dissolved versus 30% of first marriages.”

That said, remarriages can work, but couples may need help in making the second time around together the successful time around.

Getting back together “for the sake of the kids” isn’t a good idea. Parents who are dating should keep quiet about it, because the kids could get their hopes up that their parents will reconcile. This increases the pressure to reconcile even if things are not going as well. Parents should get back together because they want to love each other.

A marriage counselor should survey the war zone that was the first marriage or the two partners may be doomed to reconquer it. Unresolved unfinished from the first time has a way of resurfacing the second time around.

The couple must honestly discuss what caused the first failure. For example, if it is money, they must be clear about how they will spend money the second time.

Both parents must admit the role and responsibility in what went wrong in the first time, and to this end, a marriage communications course may be money well spend.

Keep things honest. This means no game playing, no mind reading attempts, no unspoken expectations.

A second trip to the altar means that first marriage is dead, and there can be no ghosts. Developing trust takes time and making a second marriage work after a divorce requires a strong commitment and a focus on the future.

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