Very often after an affair becomes exposed the guilty spouse infuriates the victim spouse by showing no remorse for his or her infidelity. This lack of remorse, which can be an obstacle to reconciliation, mentally and emotionally insulates the perpetrator and allows for a continuation of denial.
According to Katie Lersch, who writes about marriage, the unfaithful people at some level know “deep in their hearts that what they’re doing (or about to do) is wrong, selfish, and hurtful.” An unfaithful person must justify this infidelity, rationalizing his or her actions.
Sometimes the perpetrator does this by convincing himself or herself that “the cheating is no big deal.” Sometimes the perpetrator continues this routine even when the affair comes to light. Admitting the truth infuriates the victim.
Often, the absence of remorse when the affair comes to light is an attempt “to make it go away,” according to Ms. Lersch. The perpetrator believes that by being tight-lipped, the affair goes away.
She says that the victim must often demand remorse from the perpetrator before he or she can move on.