Surviving a divorce often means recovering from a one-two punch that literally knocks the wind out a person’s self confidence. The two of the greatest contributors to low self-worth are 1) rejection and 2) real or imagined feelings of failure. In America today, where one person can end a marriage without the other’s consent, divorce often triggers both feelings of rejection and failure.
Dr. Kevin Skinner, a licensed marriage and family therapist, notes that “[s]elf-worth is neither given nor taken; it simply needs to be remembered.” Couples in the midst of a failing marriage frequently lash out with anger words because they are angry and hurt.
“As I work with clients I encourage them to remember the context in which they were said and also the circumstances in which they were said.” he says. “However, the most important element to remember is self-worth is neither given nor taken, it simply is remembered. Self-worth comes from within. It is something that we are born with and it is only negative life experiences that make us question our sense of worth. Thus, remembering that you are a person of infinite worth and value is critical.”
Recovering from these feelings will take time. It is sessional to reach out to friends and family for support. Many divorcing spouses quickly realize it is an opportunity to re-discover themselves and the quicker one starts doing this the easier it is for them to start to believe in themselves once again.