The Second Time Around – With the First Partner

Pamela Anderson recently remarried former husband Rick Salomon. This is Anderson’s second time down the aisle with Salomon. They first said “I do” in Las Vegas in 2007.  They split almost immediately and annulled the marriage in 2008.

Remarrying an ex-spouse is quite a frequent occurrence even among the not so rich and famous, but the success rate of such marriages has not been ascertained. People often think that only celebrities remarry former spouses. Probably, the much-publicized remarriages of the rich and famous (Don Johnson, Melanie Griffith, and Richard Burton) makes them think so. Moreover, many people struggle to understand why people decide to remarry the same person, when the marriage failed the first time.

Sometimes after a breakup a divorced person faces moments of weakness. He or she may feel that a little more effort might have saved their marriage and thoughts of remarrying occur. After all, facing life single-handed also makes a person think that married life was probably better. Such thoughts gain strength when the spouses chance a meeting in tough times. Many divorced people date others, and finally come to the conclusion that the ex-spouse was the best. Also, regular sex with their ex-spouse, even after divorce, may induce the false belief that differences between them no longer exist.

The decision to remarry the ex-spouse is undoubtedly a happy one for either of the partners. But remarriages might compound the pre-existing problems.

The news of the remarriage normally shocks friend and family, and staying together may be more difficult than the first time. The interim period of independence prior to remarriage might have altered the personality of either person. Both the spouses do not know how to relate to the changed personality of the other. Signing a prenuptial agreement should always precede remarriages, particularly if the first time marriage failed due to financial problems.

Before the wedding, both the partners should amicably discuss their differences. The mistakes of the past must be frankly revealed and resolved to prevent a recurrence of the previous pitfalls. Mere superficial changes do not rake in positive results.

Failed remarriages happen when spouses renege on promises. Both the spouses might have promised to rectify their behavior that led to the past differences. Failure to do so results in the breaking up of the marital union.

Most second marriages fail for the very same reasons that caused a breakup of the first marriage. Remarrying for the wrong reasons may cause a  second divorce. If the couple had remarried for the sake of children, then making the marriage last is difficult.

The chances of a successful remarriage with a former spouse improve when the couples successfully resolve their differences and when they are mature enough to know that problems are part of life. Expecting a problem-free union can only diminish the chances of a successful remarriage.

Apparently, the probability of remarrying a former spouse increases if the couple had an uncontested divorce because legal battles fought during contested divorces poison the well beyond rehabilitation.
Some people have been lucky the second time around while others were not so lucky. Often, it is not a matter of luck but deep love and respect for one another that ensure the success of the marriage (first or second.)

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