How to Manage Your Partner’s Affair

While an affair constitutes the most devastating event for a relationship short of death, there are two potential positive outcomes:

  1. Reconciliation can lead to a significantly stronger relationship, or

  2. The fatal weakness in the marriage can be dealt with so that everyone’s losses are reduced.
The depth of trauma produced by your loved one’s affair betrayal is mind and life altering. Affair stress impairs judgment, crushes the soul, undermines self-esteem, threatens the future and sickens the body. When this happens, it is necessary to manage your emotions as well as controlling and promoting beneficial rather than destructive reactions.

Specifically, consider the following three steps:

  1. Don’t take any action until you’ve decided what is in your best interests.

  2. Identify and set your goals. Act in ways that leave your options open but preserve your best interests. You need a plan to proceed cautiously and carefully without turning a serious problem into a disaster.

  3. Take charge of yourself by using these Do’s and Don’ts as a guide:

  4. DO consult a family law attorney.
    DON’T make threats about taking legal action.

    DO keep your own counsel.
    DON’T confront your partner.

    DO manage your anger and negative feelings.
    DON’T let powerful emotions overwhelm you.

    DO think before talking
    DON’T tell the children

    DO consider your intentions
    DON’T follow your impulses

    DO maintain your integrity
    DON’T try to please the perpetrator

    DO have patience
    DON’T expose the affair unless it’s to your advantage

    DO keep silent
    DON’T contact the spouse or the other party

    DO act in your best interest
    DON’T call your partner’s employer

    DO take charge of circular thinking
    DON’T drive yourself crazy asking "why?"

    DO act with dignity
    DON’T physically or verbally assault the betrayer



Suggested Reading
Affairs: Emergency Tactics
From Discovery to Recovery: Provides you with emergency tactics to successfully survive the betrayal Is your relationship over when you discover that your partner is having an affair? The book will transport you from discovery of infidelity to a safe, satisfactory recovery.

Author: Carol L. Rhodes, Ph.D.


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ADULTERY TAKES TWO -- All but seven states punish both people involved in the adultery. Colorado, Georgia, Nebraska, North Dakota, and Utah only punish the married person. In the District of Columbia and in Michigan, when a married man sleeps with an unmarried woman, only the man is guilty, but when a married woman sleeps with an unmarried man, they're both guilty.

 

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