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Women - Get The Most Out of Life After Divorce
Creating images from the past, I visualize a mysterious forest. My feet are trapped in the bottomless mud of the earth. I am miniature, unaccompanied and weak as I attempt to study my surroundings. However, there are obstacles in my way. The trees are remarkably dense and the sky is thick and overcast. I feel trapped, fearful and uncertain. I am in foreign territory and I do not want to be in this space. I attempt to reach out for support of branch, a soft sound or the comfort of something familiar. I am lost. The world is silent and my head is noisy. I do not know how to break away from these dreadful feelings. I cannot find a way out of this intense, entangled chaos that has been continuing for too long. I feel hopeless and unbelieving. I cry, collapse and fall asleep on the bed of this ominous forest. Do you feel hopeless and alone?
I open my eyes and things appear different within and around me. When I gaze up, I see the most radiant sunlight I have ever seen peaking through the tops of the soaring trees. The energy warms my heart, illuminates my spirit and brings serenity to my mind. I yearn to see and feel more light. I begin to move around, examine my feet and explore the terrain. My posture is straight and my body conveys strength and courage. I begin to feel grounded on this unknown earth. I sense I am protected from the elements as I stand my own two feet and move forward. I create beautiful images of fresh people and spaces with vibrant yet calm colors. I create joyful souls, playful spirits, and authentic love. The events are unclear at this point but I trust The Universe for the first time on this earth. I am confident the world is offering endless opportunities for me as I discover a fresh, authentic life with meaning.
Loss of Relationship
The second most intense life stress, after death, is divorce or loss of a significant relationship. When a marriage dissolves, it is natural for intense and perplexing feelings to emerge. Your feelings may vacillate between anger, sadness, hopelessness, fear, and loneliness. These emotions may be cyclical, and are often unpredictable. As you let go of the past and open your eyes to the opportunities in front of you, the negative thoughts will decrease and fade away with time. Recovery from divorce is a process.
Recovery after divorce is a process. Each area of your life will be impacted during and after this transition. What do you need to make your life meaningful? How do you want to be remembered?
Personal and Professional Development
Your perspective on your current situation is your fork in the road. Do you see limitless opportunities or weighty barriers as you envision the next stages of your life? You will shortchange yourself if you view obstacles as too difficult to overcome in concurrence with your divorce. Donét let this transition or the patterns from your past take you down. Process the pain, forgive, let go, and move on to a better life. Determine your ideal vision, commit, make a plan, and take action. Donét let anything or anyone get in your way.
Success follows happiness and not the other way around. Today is the day to make a plan, set goals, take action, and plunge ahead. Yes, there will be obstacles in the way, significant at times, but accept that you are a master of working through complicated situations. During challenging moments, keep looking forward, and imagine your life on the other side. For example, if education is a goal to pursue or a specific profession which you have little, to no experience in, follow your heart. Do what you love, take the longer road, and success will follow.
Career decisions will affect your personal and professional life for the rest of your years on this planet. Your professional life or lack of, will determine how you see yourself, your relationships, and your freedom in many respects. Furthermore, your children will honor your hard work and commitment if you follow your dreams.
Accept this moment, as a gift of a new beginning, with unlimited possibilities. As you heal from your divorce, you will create new patterns and uncover hidden strengths. You will have opportunities to open your mind and follow your heart, as well as love yourself from the inside out. Success on your terms is now your reality. Risks will be essential as you follow your dreams; however, you will become more comfortable taking risks with each success. You will gain confidence as you progress on your path to reaching your magnificent potential.
If you are uncertain of what careers will compliment your interests, needs, and skills, then it is time to investigate. You may decide to take assessments, go out in the field, or hire a professional. Career satisfaction and development will increase your confidence, self-esteem, and overall fulfillment. When you commit to developing your professional life, regardless of your financial situation, you will naturally grow, gain confidence, and add meaning to your life.
Be grateful if you have an established career at the time of your divorce. If this is your case, you may decide to appreciate your current potion for its stability and distraction from your personal life at this time. Or perhaps, you will decide to put more of the new you into your current career, perhaps seek a promotion, or find more job flexibility.
You may choose to devote time to an organization or charity that is close to their heart. Giving back to the community is not only rewarding, additionally, you will meet new people, help others, and learn. Your personal life and professional life are closely tied to your overall happiness. How do you want to see yourself in ten years?
Relationship with your Children
Children will significantly benefit throughout their entire lives from collaborative parenting. Your children need you now. This is the moment to make your children's development a priority. Discontinue any ruthless behaviors or unconstructive comments towards their other parent, today.
Strategies to Help Your Children with Divorce:
Talk to children about their feelings. In addition, make an appointment for your children to speak to an unbiased professional. Instead of asking children how they feel, create opportunities for discussions. Children often do not know how they feel when asked, just as adults donét in many situations. Perhaps, open a dialogue with, "I sense sadness in the evenings when your father is not here after dinner." Pause at this point and let natural dialogue flow.
Respect your children's father and his extended family. Avoid negative comments, snide remarks, whispering, rolling eyes, or yelling. The impact on children is significant and quite simple to avoid. The "only this one time" thought process does not work. Your children are a part of their father. Children will take negative remarks about their father as a personal attack on themselves. You have control of your behaviors, and this is the time to remember you are the grown-up. With mutual respect, children will recover with more ease and comfort because of your commitment. Yes, at times, this may be a difficult task. However, recognize that now; you are now living a life with no regrets.
Co-parent if possible. There are diverse parenting plans that provide equal parenting time, consistent routines and comfortable transitions for your children. For example, a 2-2-5-5 parenting plan, might determine that mother has children every Monday and Tuesday, father has children every Wednesday and Thursday and the parents alternate weekends. Even if you have a good relationship with your children's father, it is important to include a parenting agreement in your divorce decree. Remember to include holidays and school vacations. This written agreement will potentially reduce complications and stress for you and your children over the years. Attempt to keep consistency between households. Communicate about your children. Attempt to develop similar routines, meals, homework, bedtimes and expectations between households. Communicate with your former spouse in a "business-like" fashion. Make major decisions together regarding your children. Be mindful of leaving emotions out of conversations, and end conversations if you sense an argument may arise.
Parenting Questions to Ponder:
Mind, Body & Spirit
This is a time to take care of you emotionally and physically. It is a time to connect to your higher power, take care of your body and heal your soul. In this moment and moving forward, you have a fabulous opportunity to uncover and love the authentic you deep down to your core.
Your relationship with a higher power is like no other. You define and create the relationship. According to my father, a higher power is doing back flips to get our attention and to encourage us to forget about the little nuisances in life. The back flips are the miracles created around us each day. Every tree, mountain, river, animal, person and creation provides us chances to appreciate our lives on every level. Your higher power may be God, the universe, or nature. You may find your own manner to join with your higher power through meditation, prayer, groups, nature or books.
According to the father of mindfulness, Jon Kabat-Zin, mindfulness is the art of focusing on the present moment, non-judgmentally, while attending to your breath on purpose. Mindfulness has been shown effective in reducing anxiety, depression, panic attacks, sleep disorders, and stress. Furthermore, when you commit to fifteen minutes as you begin your day, your mind, body, and soul will transform.
Introduction to Mindfulness of Breath:
Care for your Body
You are a powerful woman who opens your mind, heart, and eyes amazing possibilities in life.
Once women put fears in the rear view mirror and advance forward, we naturally find inner happiness that is far greater and longer lasting, than receiving a new hair style or purchasing a current wardrobe. Your inner beauty is yours, and no one can take this authenticity away from you. Your success is yours as well. Today you understand, deep in your core, that there are no limits to your personal and professional accomplishments.
Irretrievable breakdown of the marriage, or one spouse wanting to live separate and apart, are both grounds for a legal separation.
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"A Plain English Guide to Protecting Your Children"
Author: Mary L. Boland, Attorney at Law
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