Today we look at the needs of younger children. The younger child is experiencing the most critical stages of psychosocial development. They are learning how to thrive in their environments, make and maintain connections with others, and adapt to changing worlds.

Infants have little understanding of divorce, but are highly sensitive to stress and tension generated by adults and older siblings in the family unit. Toddlers are developing attachments to their primary caretakers. Disruptions caused by divorce may produce moodiness, withdrawal, fear or attention-seeking behaviors. These children need quality time and consistent, loving care. When there are transitions, providing familiar objects (bottles, blankets, etc.) and maintaining consistent time schedules (naps, bed-time rituals, meal times, etc.) are important.

Children aged 6 - 9 are "fitting in" with peer social groups (including extra-curricular activities), but the family is still the primary source of security and belonging. Some of the "divorce" fantasies include magical thinking that parents will reunite. They do not fully grasp the idea of permanence of the divorce. Feelings of loss, anger, guilt, rejection and sadness are common. Loving support is basic, but consistent boundaries are very important. Discouraging fantasies of reconciliation, care not to provide material objects (toys, games, etc.) as a way to mollify the child's feelings, and creating easy access to the other parent (telephone numbers, etc.) will help the child through this period.

From 10 to 12 years can produce angry reactions. Blaming and criticizing parents are common. They may worry about day-to-day needs (i.e., will there be enough money, household responsibilities, child care needs, etc.). There is a risk these children may feel the need to take care of one parent - at the expense of their own needs. They are also at higher risk for deeper emotional reaction to divorce such as depression, violent acting out episodes, and suicidal ideation. Providing opportunity for input into custody arrangements, cooperative and flexible attitudes of parents and positive reassurance are helpful.

Information Provided by: Dana Schutz, MA, LMFT and Irving Zaroff, JD, LMFT Was this helpful? Like our site & let us know.

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The court may order a 30-day stay of dissolution of marriage proceedings when it appears that there is a reasonable possibility of reconciliation. This is up to the judge and is typically only exercised when one spouse comes forth and states that he or she would like to try to save the marriage through counseling.