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To Divorce or Not To Divorce - That Is The Question
There are two ways of being rich. One is to have all you want, and the other is to be satisfied with what you have. -Unknown
How do you decide that you are ready for a divorce? Making this decision is one of the most difficult struggles we face in life. Am I making the right choice? Am I choosing for the right reason? Is hope to salvage the marriage truly gone?
Many couples come into divorce lawyers' or divorce mediators' offices "ready" for a divorce. But are they? If you study the histories of marriage and divorce, you come to understand why the divorce rate is so much higher today than long ago. Marriages were based on self-interest: a familial alliance, improved business opportunities, enlarging a family workforce. Sparked by the French and American Revolutions, the concept of "love" being a foundation for marriage became popular. As such, the marital relationship became a central source of life's fulfillment, promising love and the pursuit of happiness. Of course, when the promised rewards did not meet expectations, the underlying basis of the marriage seemed destroyed: thus, motivation for separation and divorce.
From Dr. Phil's five questions in the Dr. Phil's Divorce Readiness Test, to the eight questions of mediators and collaborative divorce experts, Bruce Derman and Wendy Gregson, many experts in the field have speculated on the standards to decide if you are ready to divorce
Perhaps the synthesis of the speculation is found in the three considerations identified by Clare Heicklen:
Deciding to divorce is a declaration that the marriage is dead. It should not be made lightly or without thorough consideration. If so, then the process should be mature and civil.
California divorce laws recognize that both spouses make valuable contributions to any marriage regardless of their employment. Property is labeled either "community property" or "separate property." Community property is all property, in or out of the state, that either spouse acquired during the marriage. Each spouse owns one-half of all community property. It does not matter if only one spouse worked outside of the home during the marriage or if this property is in only one spouse's name.
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