Family & Marriage Divorce Counseling Articles
Family & Marriage Divorce Counseling Article List
Children and Divorce - Children are dependent upon the adults in their lives to teach them living skills and to help them gain confidence. When adults are engaged in the emotionally difficult process of separation and divorce, it can be easy to forget about the needs of the children...
Reactions to the Stress of the End of a Marriage - It is widely recognized that separation/divorce is at the top of the list of distress producing situations, along with the death of a spouse. The reactions to this stress seem so personal and so horrible, as though they have never happened to anyone else...
The Children’s Therapist in Divorce - Whether children experience expected emotional and/or psychological problems or are more adversely affected, the help of a trained child therapist may be important. When therapy is advisable, a number of issues may present themselves...
Divorce Support - Don’t Do It Alone - It can be terrifying and victimizing to be caught in the pressure cooker of the divorce process. Most of us have never even been involved with an attorney prior to divorce. It’s easy to make mistakes – mistakes that may badly blight our future...
Five Ideas to Meditate on During Your Divorce - When you are in the middle of your divorce, keeping your focus on the positive can be one of the greatest challenges that you may face. But it is in adversity where you can really challenge your beliefs and hone your personal skills, and deepen your personal spirituality...
Bad Marriages Get Worse During the Holidays - If you've married for love and the love has run out, or if you've married for money and the money has run out, chances are, you and your husband or wife are not the happily married couple everyone thinks. With the holidays upon us, it can be especially difficult to keep smiling and pretending...
Fighting Over Money or Sex? - Most of the time, happily married couples can resolve their issues amicably and carryon. But when it gets to extreme disputes - meaning the fighting gets louder, more frequent, or even violent - know that your marriage is in serious trouble. No one should live in harm's way or in a constant state of frustration
Divorce, Dreams and Nightmares - Dreams! Most of us chase them: to live in them, to emulate them, to be a part of them. Who doesn’t want to experience the American dream, be part of a dream team, or live happily ever after? What’s it like when two people contemplate marriage? For many they are rapt in the vision of life’s fulfillment
The Four Phase Theory of Divorce - Phases Two and Three - Transition & Litigation - Once the decision to divorce surfaces (the “deliberation” phase) couples enter the “transition” phase. Transitioning is an emotional roller coaster of adjustment to physical and financial separation
Contemplating Divorce? How Coaching Can Help - The decision to divorce is rarely an easy one. Rather, it’s a decision that is often wrought with emotion and clouded with complicated issues. Sometimes it’s difficult to determine whether divorce is necessary
4 Common Reactions Among People Who Are Getting Divorced - Not all people who get divorced react the same. There are several acceptable - but not necessarily healthy – ways to respond to divorce
The Four Phase Theory of Divorce - Phase One - Deliberation - There are many theories about the emotional journey when a marriage comes to an end. In this article and others to follow, we take a look at one theory that compresses the many stages of divorce to four general phases: Deliberation; Litigation; Transition: and Post Divorce (or Redirection) (John Haynes, Ph.D.)
Words of Wisdom for Women in Divorce - August 2011 - If you can consider that every time you and you don't allow yourself to get angry over a situation, you are in control. Divorce is messy and there are lots of opportunities to lose one's patience...
Words of Wisdom for Women in Divorce - June 2011 - Sometimes these fears immobilize people to the point that the fear itself becomes a self fulfilling prophecy. Anything new and different has with it certain unknowns, but that can actually be exciting as it represents a new beginning, but if fear is allowed to rear its ugly head than no change can happen...
The Divorce Coach's Corner: Love Is Never A Mistake - I always tell my clients this when they come in to see me for the first time. I just feel in my heart that this has to be true and this is why I feel called to be a peacemaker and healer for divorcing couples and why I can no longer bring myself to practice law...
Divorce, Grief and Anger - Part 3 - At the outset of the decision to end a marriage, one or both partners may feel some relief from the previous suspense of waiting for a final determination. Even when both halves of a couple agree that they foresee the end of their relationship, the emotions associated with this process take about a year to incorporate...
Divorce, Grief and Anger - Part 2 - Why is Anger so commonly recognized as the primary emotion in divorce? The previous emotions mentioned are not always understood to be directly associated with grief, and the divorce process is often the most stressful event one or both partners have endured as adults...
Divorce, Grief and Anger - Part 1 - We just agreed to file for divorce; Why does it feel like someone died? At the outset of the decision to end a marriage, one or both partners may feel some relief from the previous suspense of waiting for a final determination...
Holiday Swapping Tips: Respect, Relax, & Rejoice - Holidays can induce every high & low emotion. So, here are some measures to minimize the stress you and your ex-spouse contribute to the season...
In a Season of Change, Embrace It - When couples first get married they often go through a difficult time trying to negotiate how to celebrate holidays. Each member in the partnership comes from his or her own family background and traditions for how to celebrate...
"Monkey Mind" and Infidelity - There is a time in everyone's marriage when one spouse or the other is attracted to another person. After all, although we're married, our interest in other humans is never completely shut off. Therefore, in the course of a marriage, it should not be at all surprising that we might find someone else, other than our spouse, attractive...
Happy Life, Happy Wife - Did you ever hear the expression "Happy Wife, Happy Life"? This overused adage seems to help some people (generally husbands) focus on their wife's happiness in order to secure a peaceful, happy marriage. It seems quite manipulative...
Broken Valentine - In movie portrayals of the organized crime syndicates, the hitmen intend to soften their violent acts with the phrase, "It's business, not personal." It's hard to imagine the victim consoling themselves with such information. Yet the phrase does point out that what a person does and how they feel about it can be at odds with each other. When a marriage ends it is definitely personal...
Discovering Our Purpose: With the Help of a Coach - During these difficult times, coaching helps people trying to find some purpose in their lives. To help people to gain their power of choice, coaching teaches them to be aware of the possibilities, to regain self-esteem, to regain purpose, and find who their meant to be...
"Bad" Spouses are Rarely Punished, Getting on with Your Life is the Prize in Most Divorces - As her attorney, I have the often thankless task of helping Susan adjust her expectations. Like many clients, she is convinced that once a judge hears of her husband's illicit affair and how he spent untold sums of their money on that relationship, the judge will award her the bulk of their assets as compensation for her pain and suffering. And, like most clients, Susan is probably going to be disappointed...
A Mother's Pain - Over many years of practicing family law certain patterns of behavior in families have become evident to me. While the family law practitioner is not ordinarily trained in family therapy or psychology, certain fact patterns regarding family behavior seem to repeat themselves in divorcing and divorced families so as to represent a discernible pattern of behavior in the family dynamic...
Mental Health Experts in Child Custody Cases - There is nothing more important than the welfare of your children. When you are headed for a breakup of your relationship with the children's other parent, whether it be a divorce or a paternity situation, there are some steps you can take to protect your children. Among these steps is the involvement of a mental health professional...
The ABCs of Divorce Communication - While attitude is the key factor in all relationships breakdown in communication is the part that is visible. Take a divorcing or divorced couple, add intense emotion, a pinch of sensitive issues and you may have the proverbial pot boiling over...
Is Your Ex Spouse Still in the House? Former Mates Who Continue to Cohabitate - Some people have to go home to their parents in tough economic times but can you imagine sharing a house with your ex-spouse?...
The Transitional Parent - Cultivating Creative Rebellion - We all know they're going to go through it sometime in their lives but when a divorce pushes them to the edge, can we as parents hold on -- and let go?...
Why Do They Lie? Age Appropriate Alibis - Never say never when it comes to provocative prevarications. Even adults engage in the Little White One. But what happens when little whites become endless Big Ones...
Holy Fatrimony!! Does Marriage Make Us Fat? - Cheating with Oscar Meyer? Loving up to Sara Lee? Read why one couple decided on divorce - for a seemingly unconventional reason! Joyce Parker and Jeff O'Paller were married seven years when more that the proverbial itch provoked them to divorce courts..
Lie and Alibis. Does Divorce Make Children Less Truthful - Trying to spare Junior the awful truth? Fighting behind closed doors? Concealing your emotions instead of addressing the issues? How does divorce really affect your children's HQ: Honesty Quotient?...
The Real Divorce: Cutting the Emotional Ties that Bind - Your divorce decree is only step one in moving into a new life after divorce. The real divorce is the cutting of the emotional, mental and physical ties that still bind you to your ex-husband...
What to do if Your Spouse Won't go to Counseling - It may be that your partner has become too anxious as a product of interpreting your request for counseling as a sign that the relationship is in serious danger, and may only have the strength to defend against the anxiety by denial and non-participation...
The Good Divorce - In response to our clients requests and in our continuing efforts to keep our existing clients as well as our potential clients apprised of issues in matrimonial and family law as well as our own thoughts and conclusions based on several years of mediation and litigation experience, here is our Mediation Associates' Newsletter Notes from August 2005...
The Compassionate Divorce - In our society, classically the "legal" way to resolve conflict is based in an "adversarial system." The adversarial jargon tells a great deal of the story. Two "sides" plead their case before a "neutral" fact-finder, be it judge or jury. Your "side" is represented by counsel who will vigorously champion your cause, the "other side" by "opposing" counsel who will just as vigorously fight for their client...
"But What About the Kids?" - So often I am asked "what can we do to help our kids through the divorce?" While this is a wide-open question who's answers range from very simple to quite complex, there are some general and major points to be made...
Separation and the Use of Splitting - When we hear the word splitting in the context of a separation or divorce, most of us probably think of splitting up. Id like to take this opportunity to introduce another use of the word that is particularly pertinent to people who are going through a separation or divorce...
Look Ma, No Man! Single Mothers Raising Sons - No muss, no fuss, no misunderstandings, right? In today's world of single parenting, few topics seem to stir up a cauldron of controversy than the subject of Single Mothers Raising Sons. From psychologists to educators to custody evaluators, is there an actual consensus on who does a better job?..
A Day In The Life Of The Not Quite Wife - Can you guess what happens when a divorced dad's single spree culminates into a full blown Significant Other? Spending quality time may be enjoyable, but what happens when All's Fair In Love becomes All Out War?..
Securing Your Wellness During Divorce and Separation - With every new beginning, there is change. Some people cope with change more easily than others. Some consider it a challenge and others... a hurdle. In more extreme cases, it can break down an individual physically, emotionally and spiritually...
Step by Step Parenting - Take the Hostage out of Family Negotiations - Step-parenting is a challenge as unique as your new nuclear family. Make some sense out of it by taking it one day at a time and stop trying to be everything to everybody...
Revenge of the Trophy Teen! - Boasting a suicide rate second only to deaths caused by cancer, teen suicides are on the rise. First it was the Trophy Wife. Now the Perfect Trophy Life includes the Trophy Kid, complete with Junior and Juniorettes perfect table manners, perfect report card, and Vogue perfect pictures...
5 Strategies for Surviving the Holidays as a Suddenly Single - As a "Suddenly Single" it's easy to focus on what is wrong with your life during the holidays. But it is when you are at your lowest that gratitude is most important. Begin a gratitude journal. Find perfection in something everyday...
Dealing With Divorce: 7 Tips to Protect Your Kids - When a family finds itself in the middle of a separation or divorce, one of the first worries is "what about the children?" Research has shown that while divorce can be hard on children, its often the fighting of the parents that most directly effects the children, and the impact depends on how well the parents are able to isolate the children from these disruptions...
The Divorce Roller Coaster: Staying Buckled and Keeping Your Head - The emotional impact of a divorce can be intense, and has lots of highs and lows - and upside down and sideways turns as well. Like a roller coaster ride that you didn't buy a ticket for, the emotions that emerge during divorce can come and go unpredictably...
Could the Expressive Arts Therapies Help Your Child - It's not easy being a kid! Especially if you're struggling with issues like separation, anxiety, peer pressure, eating problems or school related problems. And sometimes children can't verbalize their problems...
Arbitration, Mediation, & Psychoanalysis - Arbitration and mediation are allied processes that have expectable similarities, but also distinct differences. Unexpected parallels emerge when both are compared to psychoanalysis...
Are You Supported As a Father? - Strong compassionate fathering and grandfathering are essential gifts given to us by the conscientious men of our society. On Father's Day we honor their contributions, their support and their memory...
What Kids Need From Divorcing Parents - What kids really need from divorcing parents is for them to get whatever help they need to find their love again and get along in the same family. These days, there are plenty of excellent counselors to help folks do just that, even if they're really angry and hurt by their spouses and not in love any more...
Psychological Stages of Dissolution or Divorce - A dissolution of marriage does not end the relationship between you and your former spouse Rather, it begins a new, and often painful process of restructuring your relationship. working together, you can create a new relationship as friends and Co-parents of your children...
Ways to Rekindle the Romance - 1. Write a paragraph recalling the events, things you noticed and the way you felt when the two of you first met. Leave it on his/her mirror, car seat or pillow...
Two-Career Families: Contracting for Intimacy - The days of single model for marriage are over. Now there are multiple models. No longer is it the rule for the man to bear the sole responsibility for bringing home the proverbial bacon while the woman is responsible for caring for the home and children. In some marriages it is the woman who is the primary wage-earner while the man assumes the role of homemaker and primary care-giver...
Making Your Marriage Work - Half of all the couples marrying today will end in divorce. In previous generations it was not surprising to hear that a couple was celebrating their twenty-fifth, thirtieth, or even fiftieth wedding anniversary. Will any of the current generation celebrate these milestones? What can people do to increase the probability of a long and satisfying marital relationship?...
Finding Someone Right For You - I am constantly hearing the lament: "Where have all the good men (women) gone?" The way people talk, you would think that mates were an extinct species. In this article I will be discussing the issue of mate selection in human beings and ways in which you can increase the odds of finding a "compatible mate." You do not have to be alone; and there is more than one partner for you if you are willing to change your attitudes and put in a little effort. You must give up certain myths, time-honored beliefs, and begin to take charge of your romantic life...
10 Tips to Help Your Child Through Divorce - Helping your child through your divorce may be one of the most difficult tasks you will ever face as a parent. The following is a brief list of practical tips that can help as you walk through this difficult time with your child...


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