Illinois Divorce Start Your Divorce Find Professionals Illinois Articles Divorce Facts Divorce Grounds Residency Divorce Laws Property Division Alimony Child Custody Child Support Divorce Forms Grandparent Rights Forum Illinois Products Divorce by County
Diffusing Crisis - Taking the Drama out of Divorce Through Mediation
There are few situations more likely to produce tension and crisis than marital discord. Two people with diverging interests, goals, and feelings are involved in a struggle but have a complex physical and emotional history. This is fertile ground for conflict and drama. When facing this crisis couples have a choice, once they decide on divorce, to hire a lawyer or a mediator. If your divorce is highly charged with open anger and conflict you may want to go the mediation route because mediators are professionals at diffusing crisis.
The family counseling training that mediators and their associates go through give them the tools to be both an advocate and neutral third party who can sift through the recriminations, accusations, and hostility to find answers-- answers that ultimately achieve a fair and equitable divorce agreement. Mediation is a process of advocacy rather than adversarial confrontation. Legally litigated divorces can make couples adversaries and that simply fuels the fire in emotionally charged divorces. "He said," "She said," "He did this," "She did that," are all the wood that burns the fire of drama and crisis. An attorney does not seek resolution unless it effects the final settlement. But a mediator has an entirely different motivation - finding a sea of calm that facilitates a fair airing of the truth and bringing a "reality check" to the whole process.
In most cases, just having a third person present will calm down a confrontation and in mediation there is always that neutral third person, who by their presence alone, can bring calm to the storm. But more than just being there, a mediator listens, translates, and moderates a productive discussion that works toward equitable solutions. The value of a calm and measured discussion is greatly overlooked in the divorce process. But mediators have long known that little is accomplished in the chaos of recrimination. True equity is achieved when both parties are calm, rational, and reasonable.
Diffusing a crisis takes a lot of listening and translating. When people lash out their statements are often very distorted and it takes a trained listener to filter the anger out of fact and translate that statement to their spouse without the bitterness and confusion. Directing couples in simple relaxation and breathing techniques is also used to reduce tension and improve a couple's experience in mediation.
Attorneys who encounter highly charged divorces frequently just throw up their hands and stop returning phone calls. Sometimes they just chalk this up to the very nature of the divorce process. But mediators strongly believe that drama is not necessary in the process. They have seen and worked with many couples who entered mediation with tension, anxiety, and anger and, with the appropriate support, found relief. With therapists and life coaches available through many mediation agencies, additional support is easily available at reasonable rates. The growing use of divorce mediation speaks to participant's satisfaction with this alternative to litigated divorce. It will not only save you money but save you months of turmoil and in the end you will have a settlement that reflects both spouse's true positions.
When the parties cannot reach an agreement on property division, the Illinois court will divide all the property and debts for them equitably. When a property settlement is finally reached, it must be in writing and signed by both parties.
Easily Connect With a Lawyer or Mediator
Have Divorce Professionals from Your Area Contact You!
|Your Right to Child Custody, Visitation & Support
Cover Price: $
Your Price: $17.95
You Save: $7.00
"A Plain English Guide to Protecting Your Children"
Author: Mary L. Boland, Attorney at Law
|The information contained on this page is not to be considered legal advice. This website is not a substitute for a lawyer and a lawyer should always be consulted in regards to any legal matters. Divorce Source, Inc. is also not a referral service and does not endorse or recommend any third party individuals, companies, and/or services. Divorce Source, Inc. has made no judgment as to the qualifications, expertise or credentials of any participating professionals. Read our Terms & Conditions.|