Why does one word cause so much hatred, pain, loss of control and the immediate need to make the person you fell in love with become your worst enemy and the root of all evil. After the loss of a loved one, divorce is the most emotionally unstable time in a person's life. Whether there was an affair, loss of love or even a mutual agreement to divorce, it affects everyone, especially your children.

There is no way to eliminate the complex emotions associated with a divorce. However, for people who don't want to fight in court and want to save thousands of dollars by limit court and attorney involvement to the bare minimum, move on with their lives as quickly and painlessly as possible, and for those who have children, want everything to revolve around their children's best interest, there is a better way to achieve this goal. Its called DIVORCE MEDIATION.

For a majority of you reading this article, this may be the first time you have ever heard of divorce mediation. For reasons unknown to me, divorce mediation is not well known outside of the legal system. Many people have ideas as to why this is, but what is important for families going through a divorce to know is that divorce mediation is gaining steam in Illinois as the preferred method of divorcing. New Supreme Court rules are mandating mediation for divorce cases with children and individual states are now ordering divorced couples who are having post-decree problems to mediation before they ever go in front of a judge.

What exactly is divorce mediation? Simply put, it's a process in which a neutral and unbiased professional, the mediator, assists you and your spouse with the structuring of a divorce agreement that is equitable, limits decisions based on negative emotions and keeps your children at the forefront of every decision. Mediator's assist divorcing couples with custody and visitation arrangements, distribution of assets and debts, child support and/or maintenance, college planning and tax implications that are typically associated with a divorce. Studies have shown that mediated divorces have far less problems and are adhered to more by both parties than divorces that go through the court system. Mediation allows you to be in control of your divorce.

Contested divorces cost families thousands of dollars, go on for years, almost guarantee many more years of post-divorce problems, never allow for the necessary emotional recovery from a divorce and worst of all, put your children directly in the middle of the entire process. Most parents would never dream of doing this to their children. However, when divorce happens, negative emotions take over and that is exactly what happens. Loving parents become combatants and will whatever they can to "get" their spouse, even using the children to get what they want. If you feel something like this is going to happen during your divorce and you want to avoid it, a combination of therapy and mediation may be able to help out. Therapy helps couples with the complex emotions associated with divorce and mediators assist with the business end of the process. This combination has proven to be less detrimental on families and allowed for quicker healing after a divorce.