We all have spending and saving habits that we inherited from our families and other influential people. When we get married, these financial habits often adapt to our partners, a new way of handing money is started and never discussed again. Sadly, because of this "non-discussion" of finances, major studies have reported that the most common problem in the commencement of a divorce has it source in money issues. After custody issues, the financial aspect of divorce are the couple's primary source of disagreement.

A divorce mediator can make the subject of finances a much easier topic by virtue of providing a non-judging and safe arena to air financial concerns and problems. Most people experience a great deal of discomfort discussing money, spending, and debt. When dissolving a marriage all these topics come to the brutal light of day and in the presence of a third party. Being embarrassed about debt and spending leads many couples to hide financial details from their spouse and they are far less forthcoming in the presence of an attorney. A sensitive and supportive divorce mediator can put the parties at ease and give them a safe and neutral place to be frank about their finances.

The hard truth is that both parties to the divorce will have a substantially different lifestyle than the one they have grown accustomed to. Residences change, spending habits change, and expenses change. Unfortunately, the majority of these changes will be negative and add a lot of stress for each party. While divorce may relieve many pressures, finances are not one of them. The most challenging work of a divorce mediator is to bring the parties to a place where they can be honest about their finances and accept their new circumstances without bitterness.

When marital assets are divided, each party will wonder "Where will I live?", "Will I have any money?" and "How will I recover financially?" The challenges of learning to live differently are very scary and cause a special brand of stress. The overriding goal of a divorce mediator is to bring the couple through the process, and at the end of the mediation, produce functioning and surviving individuals who financially able to move on with their lives. The ability of the mediator to motivate and encourage couples to take on these challenges must never be overlooked.

The challenge of adopting a new financial lifestyle is very traumatic and draws the couple's attention from important issues such as children and healthcare, to money worries. Divorce mediation has, at its hallmark, the capability of being an uplifting and empowering experience. Couples face the hardest factors of their marriage and learn to overcome their mutual shortcomings and begin to see each other as individuals with value and respect. The increasing self-esteem they feel allows them to approach the challenges of a new financial lifestyle with courage and conviction that they can change, grow, and prosper.

The divorce mediator, with the assets of confidentiality, neutrality, and sensitivity inherent in their practice can offer couples an opportunity to understand their financial lives and overcome the limitations that divorce places upon them. In partnership with divorcing couples, the divorce mediator will help their clients recover from the financial upheaval divorce brings and emerge as independent and financial responsible individuals.