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7 Helpful Tips for Negotiating a Child Support Agreement

In New Jersey there are certain guidelines that govern the amount of child support a non-custodial parent must pay to their former spouse. While this is certainly the norm, there are certain situations and scenarios in which a couple might deviate from the guidelines and a different amount of support may be agreed upon. Mediation is extremely beneficial in these types of situations, as it allows the opportunity for both parties to openly discuss the needs of the children and reach a child support agreement that they can both feel comfortable with. The important thing to remember is that even though one of you may be writing a check to the other party, you’re both paying child support as the amount of that check does not cover 100% of the children’s expenses!

That being said, here are 7 helpful tips for negotiating a child support agreement.


  • Be Honest – When it comes to finances, if you and your spouse are going to reach a child support agreement that is fair and equitable, you must both be honest about your income and your expenses. Documents such as pay stubs and tax returns should be presented to account for income, and a detailed, accurate budget should be presented, which clearly outlines the family expenses.
  • Consider Extraneous Expenses – In addition to regular living expenses, other unique expenses are often at the heart of negotiating a child support agreement that deviates from the state guidelines. These may include things such as educational expenses or medical bills. Anything that the child is accustomed to, which may cause tension or disruption if taken away, should be factored into the calculation. For instance, rather than pulling a child from the school they are used to attending, both parties can negotiate so that the added cost of the child’s schooling can be factored in to the child support amount.
  • Provide Proof – It’s much easier to reach a child support agreement when all of the documentation is present, rather than using estimated or unsubstantiated amounts. This allows both parties to clearly see what expenses should be considered and leaves less room for conflict or disagreement. Things like cancelled checks, bank statements and receipts should all be presented so that a clear picture can be developed of the overall needs of the family. You don’t know how many times I’ve sat across from a couple where one party has no idea just how much the kids cost and simply can’t believe than sneakers cost $X or “camp was how much!?”
  • Take an Open-Minded Approach – Just as with any part of the divorce process, hearing each other out and taking the time to listen to each partner’s questions and concerns helps to make negotiating a child support agreement go much smoother, because everyone has a chance to be heard.
  • Keep it in Perspective – It may seem frustrating to have to pay money to your former spouse, but it’s important to always keep things in perspective. When you remember that the child support agreement is meant to provide for the needs of your children it can be much easier to both negotiate and pay. The money belongs to them, not to your ex-spouse.
  • Don’t Involve the Children – While child support is meant to benefit your children, they should never be put in the middle of any discussion or negotiation that you and your spouse are engaging in. Payments should also never be sent through the child, but rather directly from one parent to the other or if necessary, through the New Jersey Payment Support Center. It’s never a good idea to discuss any type of legal issues with your children.
  • Plan for Modifications – Child support agreements are not set in stone. Things such as changes in income and the age and needs of the children may all be considered reasons for modifications. My advice? Take time to review the children’s expenses annually and be open to modifications on a bi-annual basis to avoid future conflict down the road.

Divorce can be a complicated process, particularly when there are children involved. Part of responsible co-parenting involves negotiating a child support agreement which meets the needs of your family, and that both parties are comfortable with. Mediation can help you navigate through this process and come together in a way that focuses on the children, who are the most important factor.


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"A Plain English Guide to Protecting Your Children"

Author: Mary L. Boland, Attorney at Law