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Mediation
What if only one half of the couple wants to get divorced? As divorce mediators, we often hear this question. Generally, both people know that their marriage is rocky. But often, only one spouse feels ready to end it.
“I want to get divorced, but I don’t want to spend a lot of money. What’s the best way to do it?” The great thing about divorce mediation is that it is one of those rare times when the cheaper option is also the better one.
Valentine’s Day may be a good time to take stock of your relationship. Sometimes, the thought of having to spend days like Valentine’s Day without a partner keeps people together even though they are in unhappy couplings.
“If we pretty much agree on the issues, why do we need a divorce mediator?” Sometimes people find a website, read through it, and figure that they can probably handle the divorce on their own, saving time and money. The truth is, while they may have a basic plan for separating, they may not have considered all the issues.
How does divorce mediation work when you don’t even want to be in the
same room as your soon-to-be ex-spouse? Mediators have specific skill
sets to get people to communicate who can’t stand each other so they
can make important life-altering decisions.
Say you have already decided to get divorced, and you know you need to hire a mediator. How do you get started? How do you find the divorce mediator that is best for you?
It is an unfortunate fact that approximately half of all marriages in this country will ultimately end in divorce. It is also an unfortunate fact that many participants in the divorce process will find themselves in bitter, expensive and acrimonious battles.
As a music lover myself, I couldn’t possibly imagine listening to only one album for the rest of my life, so when it comes to divorce and determining what the one asset you must protect in a divorce should be, the choice seems equally impossible.
The concept of divorce mediation involves the idea that, when provided with skilled guidance and professional support, individuals can successfully resolve disputes without the need for litigation. This concept can be applied to every aspect of a separation and divorce, including child support.
In a perfect world, all divorces would be amicable and both parties would agree on everything the first time. Unfortunately, we don’t live in a perfect world and divorce is oftentimes fraught with tension and conflict. Mediation can be used as a tool to resolve this conflict in a timely manner so that both parties involved will be able to reach an agreement and move forward with their lives.
Mediation is all the rage in family court these days. However, in my professional opinion mediation is very over rated. There are basically several types of mediation.
When it comes to separation and divorce of a couple who have children, people often minimize the effects it can have on the man and his role as a father. The truth is when dads divorce they are just as impacted as their spouse, particularly when they are facing the possibility of not seeing their children as often as they’re used to. In just about every situation, mediation can be used to ease the minds of everyone involved and to reach an agreement that is fair and acceptable to both parties.
We live in demanding and stressful times. Time and money are precious commodities, which are not in abundance nor easily acquired. What are the options for a couple that decide to separate or divorce?
Studies indicate that the challenges and losses experienced by children of divorce are more profound and longer lasting than previously thought. Children of divorce tend to be at risk for poor academic performance, health problems, poor sense of personal accountability, and even substance abuse.
People often contemplate mediation versus divorce litigation, as if it is an either-or decision. It isn’t. You can still litigate if you opt to mediate. Either way, divorce mediation allows both parties to attempt to reach an out-of-court settlement, but nothing is binding.
In these tough economic times, New Jersey couples who engage in divorce mediation are often in for a surprise when presented with the realities of their financial situation. Selling a house isn’t as simple as it used to be and for many couples their homes are worth less than they owe or less than what they paid for them.
Divorce does not discriminate as it is blind to age, race, economic background, education, number of years married, children, property ownership and so on. Couples who have been married a short time or do not have children have far different issues to contend with than couples who have been married a long time, have adult children and have accumulated significant assets over a lifetime of marriage.
For anyone who engages in divorce mediation, sessions can be a stressful time. Here are 5 tips for divorce mediation success from the perspective of a New Jersey divorce mediator to help you and your spouse move on with your lives as peacefully and efficiently you can.
As chaotic as divorce may seem, believe it or not there are some tried and true rules for having a successful mediation. Below you will find six rules to keep in mind so that your divorce mediation sessions can go as smoothly as possible.
Whether you’ve been doing your homework and are an expert on mediation or if you aren’t sure what mediation is, below is a list of common myths about mediators to help you understand my role in the process and about mediators in general.
A divorce mediator is a caring and professionally trained neutral third party who helps two parties negotiate directly with each other in order to resolve a dispute, in this case your divorce. Mediators come from a variety of backgrounds including law, mental health and finance, among others.
It’s true that couples who use mediation for divorce in New Jersey receive many benefits but how many out there even know mediation is an option? As a New Jersey divorce mediator my guess is not nearly enough.
As the owner and lead mediator of a New Jersey divorce mediation practice I can tell you based on the calls I receive that there is much confusion out there as to the best way to proceed with your divorce. For some New Jersey couples who call us at Equitable Mediation Services aren’t even sure what we do or that divorce mediation is the best way to get a divorce in New Jersey.
You would think by now that people would know NJ divorce mediation is the only way that one should even consider getting a divorce but alas, only a small percentage of couples are smart enough to use a mediation service as a means to peacefully and efficiently resolve their differences and come to a fair and equitable distribution of their marital assets and liabilities.
Yes, in these tough economic times (and in all times for that matter) cost is always an issue and it’s always better to fund your child’s college fund rather than your attorney’s, but saving money is not the only issue at stake here as there’s also the issue of the emotional cost a divorce can take on both the parties and their children, friends and family.
In post divorce parent coordination the two most common issues are physical custody and child support. In this article well talk about the second of these post divorce parent coordination issues and some of the questions you will need to address but first lets take a look briefly at what child support actually is.
Post divorce parent coordination involves a couple who is already divorced but has issues they need to mediate regarding the children. In this article well talk about the first of the two different types of post divorce parent coordination which involves physical custody and some of the questions you will need to address.
Of the four major issues facing divorcing couples parenting plans, equitable distribution, child support and spousal support alimony, three of these issues are financial and will require you to produce documentation which is commonly prepared at year end so its important that you obtain copies as soon as you are able.
Spousal support is by far the most hotly contested item discussed during mediation sessions. Here in New Jersey, there are no guidelines to help us calculate spousal support and instead we have a series of statutory factors which provide general guidelines how alimony is determined.
I know it may seem counter intuitive if you’re a parent but sadly, more people than you’d think put their children in the middle of their divorce and use them as negotiating pawns.
Unlike Parenting Plans where each party tries to have the best interests of their children in mind, when it comes to money, those rules go out the window and the arguments over who gets what, take over.
When it comes to divorce and mediation, the good news is most parents can put their differences aside. But what do you do when one party tries to use the children as pawns to their advantage?
Lately, many of the clients we see are coming to us with one question: How am I going to live after I get divorced? And while this question is not new, given the state of today’s economy, it’s one worth considering carefully as in this unique climate, unorthodox arrangements may be necessary in order to survive not only your divorce, but your life after divorce as well.
As part of our training as divorce mediators in New Jersey, we are given many books and articles to read in order to help us learn different techniques to help people through conflict. There is a classic book written by Roger Fisher and William Ury called ’Getting to Yes: Negotiating Agreement Without Giving In’ which teaches us the important concept of bargaining over positions versus interests.
It seems that regardless of what’s written in the divorce decree or your Memorandum of Understanding drafted during mediation, the tax deduction will automatically go to the custodial parent for any tax years after July 1, 2008 unless a written waiver is filled out and filed along with your divorce or mediation papers.
While the concept of mediation may seem relatively new, people have understood the benefits of mediation for centuries. Mediation has continued to evolve as the best method of dispute resolution and below you will find what I think are just a few of the benefits of mediation.
In the ongoing discussion of mediation versus collaborative law, what is becoming more apparent is the need for a hybrid approach for certain of cases that borrows from the best of both processes to meet the needs of complex and/or higher conflict mediation cases.
You have gone through the mediation process, and now have a Memorandum of Understanding (MOU). In this article, I have provided information regarding the next steps in the divorce process, after mediation.
On November 22, 2004, New Jersey passed the Uniform Mediation Act (UMA). The purpose of the new law is to establish uniform standards and procedures for mediation and mediators.
My objective in this article is to deconstruct and thereby demystify what happens behind closed doors during the divorce mediation process. I describe an approach to the divorce mediation process, with the caveat that each mediator has their own style, and that there are many right approaches.
The biggest lesson people can learn from their own divorces was how to get married again and how to get married for a lifetime. There is a dearth of literature on the subject of starter marriages and the divorce process, let alone the divorce mediation process.
Part of the problem is that while clients were doing the necessary paperwork to comply with their companies legal requirements to transfer funds to the alternative payee, the moneys were kept in investments tied to stock market performance.
On May 31, 2000, the New Jersey Supreme Court ruled on a request for a change in spousal support (alimony) in the case of Robert B. Crews vs. Barbara D. Crews, by stating that the parties must go back and identify the marital standard of living at the time of the divorce.
If divorce is the proper alternative for two individuals, they should be spared as much pain as possible. This can be done through the process of divorce mediation, in which one or two mediators help a husband and wife prepare their own separation agreement.
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Mediation
New Jersey is an equitable distribution state, meaning that the division of property in a divorce is to be done fairly, not necessarily equally. The court can take into consideration any factor it deems relevant when dividing property, but it must consider certain factors, such as how long the couple was married and the age and health of both spouses, the income or property brought to the marriage by each spouse, the standard of living that was achieved during the marriage, and the extent to which one spouse may have deferred career goals, among others.
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