As difficult as divorce is, nothing is more difficult than parenting during the process of divorce. If you ask some of my clients, they may say parenting post divorce is even more of a challenge. Generally, when a conversation veers towards a client’s children and divorce, most people discuss how the children are handling the process, and how helpless they feel to stop the pain and disillusionment their children are going through. When it comes to children and divorce, I’ve had more clients than I can count talk to me about the unsolicited advice they receive about how they can help their children through divorce from just about nearly everyone they know. Some of this advice may, in fact sound familiar to you. Don’t badmouth the other parent in front of the children. Bring your children to therapy. Don’t get involved with someone that isn’t good for the children. Keep your dating life a secret until you’re sure about the relationship. Regardless of the type of advice you’ll receive about your children and divorce, you are not a bad parent.

With or without the judgments of others, children and divorce can be the combination that sends us spiraling into shame, guilt and anger, and at times all three, while still trying to keep it together. Through mediation with many parents, I’ve developed coping skills and suggestions, what I like to call a divorced parent’s survival list, which has helped both divorced parents and their children along the journey to recovery.