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4 Tips To Help Minimize the Impact of Divorce on Kids

As you are going through divorce, you should follow some hints to ensure you can avoid allowing this decision to negatively affect your children. There are some ways to keep your children from being affected long-term by your divorce, but you have to pay attention to certain behaviors of yours that may be hurting them.

1. Don’t Try to Win Their Favor with Gifts

If you are trying to persuade your kids to choose you for custody, it is wrong to try to give them presents since these are effectively bribes. Your kids might not know it yet, but they will one day look back at your tactics and feel used, whether the methods work or not. Similarly, withholding presents from kids if they do not take your side is also hurtful and often ineffective.

2. Don’t Let Your Anxiety Worry Your Kids

While you should not stay with your spouse for the kids, you should try to shield them during the divorce so they do not get hurt, if possible. Do not vent to them or make them feel worried about the future. They can easily pick up on your anxiety already, and you can explain you are going through a tough time, but openly complaining to them about finances or their other parent is not right and will not help the situation. Instead, talk to a counselor, and let your children know it will all be okay.

3. Go To All School Activities To Support Your Kids

It can be heartbreaking for children to realize their parents will not be able to come to their sports games, plays, and choir concerts just because they cannot get along with their ex for a few hours. Most kids want both parents to be able to see them and feel proud of them, so do not make them choose which parent can go each time. You do not have to sit together when you go, but let your children see that both parents are there for support.

4. Stay in Communication with Your Ex

It is easy to focus on your own problems and forget that your children need the same amount of attention they were getting before. Just because it is hard for you to talk to your ex does not mean your kids should suffer. You need to stay in communication regarding the kids. Otherwise, their schoolwork and social lives could suffer. For example, let your ex know that parent-teacher conferences are coming up, or that a school permission slip needs to be signed by him or her. Failing to communicate this information is only hurting your kids.

If you want to do everything possible to make sure the divorce goes better for your kids than for you, it is helpful to follow these tips. Otherwise, you could end up hurting or frustrating your children when you get divorced, when it does not have to be that way.


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New York does not automatically give custody of children to any one parent. In deciding custody, the court only considers what is in the best interest of the child. It considers who gave primary care during the marriage, scheduled doctors' appointments, and attended school meetings. Generally, the court allows the non-custodial parent ample visitation with the child and even awards joint custody. Visitation is often only limited in circumstances where there is abuse.
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