Many people want to know what we do during the first mediation session. In that session, whether it is a family or business mediation, we usually start by reviewing and discussing what the process will be like. Sometimes people say:

"Well isn't this just a waste of time to be going over the mediation agreement and the process. We already know what the mediator does, we know what we are supposed to do."

But the success of the process really depends on both parties understanding it well and thinking in a way which is very different from the way they used to think or are told to think if they are involved in an adversarial process.

The mediation is designed to help them discuss issues and reach informed agreements. The focus is on their needs and on their interests not necessarily on what their rights are and/or what their entitlement is. This doesn't mean that the result of the mediation would be very different from what would have happened in court but the process is very different and the way people communicate with each other is very different. If mediation is truly successful, the process and the mediator have helped the parties not only resolve the particular problem that they have come to solve, but have also helped them to move on with their lives and communicate/ resolve other problems going forward in a very different way than they had been doing before.

It is very important for the parties to understand that the mediator does not make decisions and is not a judge. The mediator's role is to facilitate their communication and understanding of all issues that need to be addressed. They also need to understand that they are involved in a voluntary process and in order for that process to succeed, they have to be fair to each other and willing to voluntarily exchange important information in order to make sure that each side is fully informed of all the issues that need to be addressed.

One of the most important things is communication guidelines. The most productive mediation atmosphere is created when each person shows respect for the opinions and attitudes of the other even when there is a disagreement. Difficult conversations can be improved if one speaks for him or herself and refrains from telling the other what that person needs, wants, or thinks. Sometimes, of course, especially in family cases, tensions are often high and in the beginning, people want to vent and accuse each other because there may be a lot of pain involved. When this happens, we can go back to the mediation process agreement and remind the parties:

And that is another way in which going over this process summary is very important because throughout the mediation when sides veer off from the process we can then return to it and confirm that this is what we agreed on and that we should stay within that framework.

In the first session, there are other things that are important to go over, such as: