Giving Your Child Gifts Because You Are Divorcing
Parents will often spend more money on presents for a child during a divorce and/or separation. The natural instinct is to do whatever you can to make a child happy and if that means buying him or her a new bike or a new dress, that is what must be done. Parents are typically worried about the emotional state of their child during the divorce and/or separation, so when they see him or her happy, it makes them feel better inside. This being said, keep in mind that a temporary sense of happiness due to a present is not a cure for either you or your child.
The act of buying excessive presents for a child is more of a selfishness on the parent's part. This is a way for a parent to get a sense of relief that a child is happy. You should continue to remind yourself that you can not buy happiness.
This does not mean you should eliminate all presents or surprises for your child, but instead keep them at the same level they were prior to the divorce and/or separation. As mentioned previously, it is very important to maintain a routine and relationship similar to what it was prior to the divorce and/or separation.
Instead of flourishing your child with presents, try substituting fun activities you can do with your child. Each time you have the urge to buy your child a gift, try replacing it with an activity. The special times that you spend with your child will give you and your child more personal satisfaction. The time together will put a smile on everyone's face and will create a memory that can never be replaced. The more time you spend with your child the quicker your guilt will go away. The guilt will probably never completely disappear, but your efforts to be the best parent you can be will eventually let you be at peace with yourself and the divorce and/or separation.
Sometimes one parent is trying to keep up with the other parent's giving of presents. If you have found yourself trapped in this game, you need to have a talk with the other parent as soon as possible. Hopefully you and the other parent can come to an agreement to stop or at least lessen the amount of presents given to your child. This is not a time to be competing for the love of your child, but instead a time to be working together to be good single parents. This sense of competition will be perceived by your child and he or she will feel as though it is pulling him or her in two different directions. The typical child experiencing his or her parent's divorce and/or separation does not want to love one parent more than the other.
Useful Online Tools
Resources & Tools
PARENTING IS FOREVER– Marriages end, but parenting is forever. Divorced spouses must remember they are no longer husband and wife, but they are still parents – mother and father.
Easily Connect With a Lawyer or Mediator
Have Divorce Professionals from Your Area Contact You!
Online Parenting Plans
3StepParentingPlanTM uses cutting-edge online software to create your Parenting Plan. Using a smart question-and-answer application, 3StepParentingPlanTM gets you a fully customized Parenting Plan in a little more than half of a lawyerÕs billable hour.
|Your Right to Child Custody, Visitation & Support
Cover Price: $
Your Price: $17.95
You Save: $7.00
"A Plain English Guide to Protecting Your Children"
Author: Mary L. Boland, Attorney at Law
|The information contained on this page is not to be considered legal advice. This website is not a substitute for a lawyer and a lawyer should always be consulted in regards to any legal matters. Divorce Source, Inc. is also not a referral service and does not endorse or recommend any third party individuals, companies, and/or services. Divorce Source, Inc. has made no judgment as to the qualifications, expertise or credentials of any participating professionals. Read our Terms & Conditions.|