Children & Divorce: The Effects Of Divorce On Children:
For obvious reasons, children see divorce as something very traumatic. They are often concerned with their own security, not always with their parent's happiness. Children will question:
- What if they both leave me?
- What is it that I did wrong?
- Did I cause the divorce?
- Now what's going to happen to me?
Children react in different ways with the onset of divorce. Some will be extremely sad and show signs of depression and even sleeplessness. Anxiety levels peak as they feel they are going to be abandoned or rejected by one or even both parents. Some divorce situations may make the child feel lonely. This may be due to a long absence of one of the parents.
No matter what the situation, the child will be affected in some way by a divorce. Some children may become psychologically scarred from the experience, and still other children may not be affected emotionally at all. Much depends on how well the parents are able to handle the situation.
Uncontrollable Bad Effects
Divorce can produce bad effects that cannot be controlled. Money, or lack of it, becomes a problem. Child support payments and financial assistance place a monetary strain on one or both parents, whcih directly affects the children.
In some instances, one of the parents may have to relocate. This brings with it a new set of problems; children having to adjust to a new school, friends, and environment.
The Loss of Family
Family structure is very important. Divorce in the family environment requires the family to restructure. Both parents must continue to play an important role in the life of their child. It is generally a good idea that the parents design a well thought out parenting plan in order to keep some predictability in the family structure. This is good for the sake of the child. Divorce does not have to mean the end of a family.
It is also good for the children to keep close ties with other relatives. Even if you as the parent do not get along with the extended family, children need these people in their lives.
Birthdays and Holidays
For parents and their children, holidays and birthdays after a divorce can be one of the most difficult things with which to deal. Remember that the first birthday, the first Christmas, the first anything spent without a former spouse is traumatic. As each year passes, the family will feel more comfortable with new environments and new ways to celebrate.
With a divorce you may lose your ex-spouse, but you never lose the responsibility of being a parent. You and your ex-spouse will always be your children's parents, and it is wrong for any parent to deny the other parent the pleasures of spending holidays and birthdays with their children.
Step-Families
Step-families can be very complicated. The number of children that are involved, and how the children get along with the new step-parent are very important factors to consider when dealing with the structure of a step-family.
In spite of the fact that step-families are very complex and difficult, it is possible for the new family to become a very strong family unit. Everyone involved must have time to adjust to the new way the family operates. Each step-family member must also look at things from the other step-family member's point of view. Remember that a new step-family member cannot just jump into a new family and take charge. The new family must take things very slowly, and each family member must carefully think things out before they act.
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