Children & Divorce: The Different Age Stages: 6/11 (Elementary School Years):
Peer Interaction
At this age children are introduced to an ever increasing amount of peer interactions, and they may begin to become a little distant. For early elementary school children, the onset of divorce can be a very difficult obstacle to overcome. As the children get older, hopefully they begin to realize that their parents did not abandon them. They will only realize this if the parents are open in talking with the children.
Certainly elementary school children feel extreme loss when a divorce occurs, but it is not impossible for the parents to rebuild the child's sense of security. Children interact with an ever increasing amount of new people and they may come home with controversial questions about certain issues concerning the divorce. Typically a child's only wish at this age is for parents to reunite, and they may attempt to accomplish this task on their own.
Problems with the Divorce
If the children grew up in a nurturing environment, it will only be normal for them to fear being abandoned when a divorce takes place. Both parents must reassure the children that neither parent is going to abandon them. Younger children do not understand the concept of divorce, and they may feel that the parents are divorcing them. Parents should explain that parent separation does not result in losing a parent.
Children are always aware of what is going on in the home, and they are generally aware that they have no control over the divorce. Some children at this age may blame one parent for the separation, and it is crucial for the emotional stability of the child that both parents explain to the child that the blame is not on either parent. Parents should maintain a regular schedule because predictability is healthy for the child. Finally, openness about the situation is very critical for the child's emotional development.
Possible Reactions:
Believes parents are getting back together
Feels rejected by parent who left the house
Feels insecure financially and about the future
Looks back all the time to what was
Plays sick to stay home from school
Feels abandoned and alone
Remedy Ideas for Parents:
Try to get the child to open up
Share your emotions
Spend quality time with each other
Reassure safety
Reassure the family atmosphere as much as possible
Respect the child and his or her privacy
Talk about things of mutual interest other than the problems
Encourage outside school activities
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Divorce Tip: # 28 Divorce ends the bond of marriage, divorce does not end the bond of parenting!
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