The Friendly Divorce: Example
(Provided by: How to Divorce As Friends, by Bill Ferguson)
Marci had a habit of not keeping her word, and Randy hated it. He did everything he could to get her to change this, but nothing worked. She kept breaking her promises and Randy kept getting upset.Go to: Let the Other Person Be the Way He or She Is Informational Section
Finally, he realized that Marci was the way that she was and would probably never keep her word. He didn't like this, but he realized that he couldn't change her.
Randy then had a choice. He could either continue getting upset, which by now was clearly damaging their relationship, or he could stop trying to change Marci and accept her the way that she was.
To accept her, he had to be willing for her never to keep her word with him. He had to let go of his expectations for how she should be and make peace with the way that she was.
He decided to meet with Marci and actually give her permission to never keep her word. He hated doing this, but he knew that this was something he had to do. Besides, Marci would do what she wanted whether Randy gave her permission or not.
So he gritted his teeth and gave her the permission. He said, "Marci, you don't ever have to keep your word with me again. I hope you do, but if you don't, I won't complain."
Randy then handled his affairs so that he didn't have to depend on Marci.
Within a few days, Randy noticed that he no longer got upset when Marci didn't keep her word. When she did keep her word, it was a pleasant surprise.
By Randy's letting go of his demands and expectations for how Marci should be, his upset went away and his relationship began to heal. Ironically, Marci started to keep her word.
Go to: The Friendly Divorce Informational Section
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