Surviving Divorce & Separation: Letting Them Know: Sad & Sorry:
Support from one source or another is virtually essential to living through separation and divorce. The psychological impact is like an explosion deep inside you. Even the person who initiates the divorce often feels bludgeoned and notices scars. A friend may comment, "Why are you sad?" "This was your idea!" You may not know why, despite getting what you wanted, you don't feel so great now. All the turmoil this has caused you (and those good people closest to you) is nearly over, and you aren't really happy? Well, before you second guess your judgment, think about why you are sad. There are several reasons.
A sense of failure - "When I walked down the aisle in white gown and veil, it was for better or for worse, in sickness and in health, until death do we part. Well, it got worse and made you sick,
and now you can't handle the commitment of "Till death do you part "You are now starting to think:
- Maybe it was my fault
- I could have tried harder..
- He or she wasn't really that bad...
If only I had stopped nagging him or her to change. I suppose I could have continued to put up with the abuse. I suppose I could have continued to support him."
Pause a moment. Your list could go on for pages, couldn't it? Would you have arrived at the same conclusion, that you wanted a divorce? If not, can you reverse the process? Is that what you want? Then go ahead and call. Maybe there is still time. It may already be too late. Had you not absolutely reached your limit and decided to break free from your marriage? Had you not come to terms with your religious commitment and beliefs? Are you confused?
This was a big and bold decision, and now you own it. If you have truly made up your mind, it is time for closure. Gather yourself and make plans, and set future goals If you truly have second thoughts, then be honest - remember if it is meant to be, you can remarry. What can you do about it at this point? It may be hard to accept some of these answers, but at least be honest with yourself and your children.
And if divorce wasn't your idea but that of your ex spouse, remember that feeling sad is part of the grieving process. Maybe you need a dose of support from a group or friend.
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