| luvjasmin |
| (recently joined) |
| 07/05/08 03:33 AM |
Extreme Verbal and Emotional Abuse - New here
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I've been married 23 years to a severe alcoholic and the extreme verbal and emotional abuse has affected my mental health and self esteem. It started about 5 years after we married and increased as the years have passed. He works extremely hard in our family corporation and doesn't drink until after work. I'm an incest and multi rape survivor so I suffer from PTSD. He never comes home or calls. It's 3:16 am and I haven't heard from him. His friends mean more to him than I ever have. I retired from the hotel business 4 years ago and I went into severe depression. I'm behind 3 years on our personal and business taxes because my mental capacity has just seemed to disappear. I was also diagnosed with Addison's Disease. I was a very accomplished hotel GM and managed to do the business book keeping as well. When I quit, I lost my identity. The only form of communication we engage in is his constant screaming and irrational allegations. I'm so fearful of him. I never know what's going to set him off. I don't call him because it makes him so angry. I've forgiven him so many times to the point he doesn't apologize anymore. I don't think he remembers some of the ugly, hurtful comments he says when he's drunk. We had to hire an attorney to help us with the IRS and he's so angry because he believes I was purposely hiding information. I didn't realize there were issues until I got a visit from a revenue officer. I called my CPA and she said get an attorney ASAP. I did. There are no longer windows of sober opportunity to tell him anything at all, so my CPA told him. He has yelled at me constanly and actually screamed at me "Do I need to have a man come in and rape you like your father did?" That is the type of cruelty I hear constantly on the rare occasions he actual bothers coming home. Three days ago he sprang the news on me that he can't take my mental health issues anymore and wants a divorce. He told me I have 3 months to get out and wants to do the divorce ourselves. I screwed up and I'm working hard to get everything finished but he has left so many emotional scars and I have no bruises or broken bones to show for them. Come to find out the issues with the IRS (other than my lack of filing the yearly returns) were caused because they misposted our 941 payments for 3 years.
What I can't understand is that I'm so sad and upset and he's as happy as a lark. I've cried more in the last three days than I have in my entire life. My life is going to drastically change because I have no source of income and will need to move from Austin to Fort Worth to live with my mother. His life won't change at all except he'll have to do his own laundry! I feel abandoned and lonely yet I know I need to get out of this marriage. Why do I still love this person when he obviously hates me? My father was verbally abusive to my mom as well but nothing to the degree I've suffered. I'm I the only idiot that feels this way?