| kathyd04 |
| (recently joined) |
| 09/19/09 04:44 PM |
Abused by ex husband who had ptsd
|
Besides my friends, this is the first time that I have went public with what truly went down in the last stages in my marriage. Before my husband went overseas, he began having an affair with one of our friends. He was gone a lot, I had a shitty car, and they began seeing each other when he was away at work. I would question some text messages that he received from her then he started hiding his phone. When I realized he was going away, I realized that I should have spent more time with him. When he went to Winconsin I got extremely frustrated because he wouldn't answer my calls and he spent more time talking to her than he did me. I knew something was up. That was what most of our fights were about. I didn't work that summer (I am a teacher) because he had told me that he wanted me to be able to fly to Winconsin when he had time off. Well, instead of having me down, I later found out he had her down. The boys also flew back home to WV for a weekend. He had told me that he was on the advance flight out and that he wouldn't be flying home. I had a gut feeling that wasn't the truth. later I looked online at the photos and saw him in formation. He lied and said he had been in Baghdad and he couldn't believe that I would put all of that stress on him while he was gone. At that point I felt horrible and started conversing with our mutual friend. I thought that maybe I should keep the enemy close. She proceeded to give me marriage advice while she sabotaged my marriage behind my back. She made him believe that I was using up all of his money and that I was a lousy wife. That I was selfish and did not care about him. I loved my husband more than life and I ate ramon noodles and cereal so I could pay off bills.
I got my first full time teaching job on our anniversary while he was overseas. Shortly after I started my job he told me he didn't want to be with me anymore. We kept conversing, he would yell at me a lot and tell me I was extremely selfish. A lot of these things I had no idea where they were coming from. In November right after Cross country season ended, his mom got sick in the hospital. I went down a few times a week, still trying to get caught up on lesson plans from being hired last minute and from coaching. I almost wrecked a few times making the two hour drive. I was there more; however, than his brother who lived two miles away. His mom was in the hospital for a month when I had to make a red cross call to Travis. He flew home as soon as he could. When he came back, he wouldn't stay at our house, and wouldn't even hug or kiss me. Come to find out that he was sleeping with her. On my birthday he tried pushing me out of his brothers house so that he could go see her. We finally connected again, and he was going to stop seeing her, until he went back overseas and found out that she was pregnant with his child. I still feel like she trapped him. He flew home a month earlier lying to the government and saying that he needed to be home to support his mother. It wasn't until a few days before his birthday that he told me the truth. I was devistated. I had always thought that I would leave and that would be the end of it, but no I wanted to fight for my marriage. He disappeared to his brothers for a week then came back. He stayed with me for a week and we reconnected. However, he then decided he needed to give her a chance as well and stayed with her for three weeks. He had lied to me and told me he was staying with his brother. I had a urge to go down and try to talk to him one night and when I got there I didn't see his car. I went into his brothers to see if he had been there. He hadn't. We had met in a nearby store parking lot where we talked. He proceeded to put the gun up to his head, then drove off. I followed him as long as I could, almost wrecking my car. I then texted her and told her I was worried about him. He told me that I wasn't supposed to have contact with her.
We had been seeing each other off and on, trying to see if there was anything between us still. I was supposed to go to Arkansas with him, he told me no one was allowed to go with him, he lied, he took her. At that point he was back home, we were supposed to go someplace on my spring break. When he came back I had my suspension and checked his phone. I saw the messages from her and I knew he had been lying. That same week that he was gone I had lost four of my students. One was in my class with onloy ten kids. Her father had been overseas with my husband, so I was close to her. He was not there for me when he needed to be, he was with her. He came back, I confronted him, and he told me I was psycho and that I could never trust him again. I clung on to him as he walked down the street. Later that day we went out with his family to dinner, then with his friends bowling. I was still devistated. We stayed in the mountains the next week; everything was fine,except he would sneak off to call her when he had signal. I confronted him and he went off on me. When we got home, the next day he left me. I pleaded and begged with him, but he left. The next day I called off work, I parked my car down the street so he wouldn't think I was home. I waited up in the bedroom until he came in and started talking to him. He decided at that point he wasn't done fighting yet. I stayed home the next day to talk to him. We had begun working on our relationship again. We would see each other after he got off work and on the weekends. He would tell her that he was going to see his brother. I had went to Alabama with him and we reconnected even more so. During that stay she called my high school and kept asking if I was there. She then called around to all of the hotels after we changed, to find his location. She had found us. All the time when we were there, he kept saying she was psycho. But he still stayed with her when we got back. The next weekend, she followed us and almost wrecked her car. He still stayed with her. Then the following weekend, she confronted us again at his brothers and kept telling me that I was a horrible wife. She followed him into Buffalo Wild Wings. I had went in there not knowing that they were there. I did a 180 and left almost knocking over my friend who worked there. He came out to my car and told me he was coming home.
He came home and for a week it was good. He didn't talk to her. But then she flagged him down when we went back to see his family and they began talking again. When we went on our annual trip to DC he told her that he had a conference there. She had no clue I was with him. On the day we got back, he got a phone call and said he was called into work early. Which I knew was a lie. Then he began working in wheeling. He would say that he would have to go into work early; one time I went up and when Iw as staying there I found a receipt for a movie and I had noticed two bath robes were out. That was my first breaking point, I had had it.
That night I went to my friends house and stayed. He had been my confidont through a lot of ordeals throughout the years. We went and had ice cream and we ended up kissing. On the fourth of July I got pissed off at the husband because I thought that he was talking to her on the phone. i ended up leaving him that night, only to go back a few days later. Stupid me though, I ended up sleeping with the friend I kissed, it was horrible. I think I did it to prove that I could be with someone else besides my husband who was the only person I was ever with.
He found out that I went to see Mike and got upset with me, he had all the right. There were many nights that the husband said he was in wheeling, or eleanor, and he was actually in Parkersburg with her. He would yell at me for checking the banking account. Then he went to a motor cycle safety course, told me he was staying in the barricks. He lied. He had a hotel room. I found out and I left him again....this time I decided to live with a friend for a while. Everything came out about me kissing mike. Things went drastically down hill. He had told his family that we were separated. I did go back and live at the house. It seemed like thigns were going okay again until she had the baby. Then he wouldn't let me meet her, and I just felt like I was kicked out of the family. This was just over a year ago. Soon he started becoming violent towards me. he had already been emotionally abusive with the lying as well as calling me every name in the book, telling me I was a [censored], a slut, ect. He told me I was fat (I weighed 106 lbs, even when she wasn't pregnant she was about 230), he told me that he hated my stretch marks that I have from muscle, that I was hairy, that I was boring in bed, ect.
But whenever I started fighting back and standing up for myself, he would shove me up against the wall, choke me, and start yelling at me. He would ignore my phone calls on the weekends, when he went to see his kid. But at the same time he was possessive of me. He would check my cell phone, my myspace, facebook, and email. I ended up deleting my myspace and facebook. without them I felt like I was alone in the world because I wasn't connected to anyone.
It was about October that I started getting really bad. I would take pills or drink alcohol to make me feel numb. I would cry endlessly in the bathrrom (this had been going on since I found out about the whole ordeal however). He called me an alcoholic, even though I only drank occassionally on the weekends. One weekend, I realized I didn't evne know who I was anymore. i was suicidal and I didn't know who I was and what I liked. I called my friend Mike back up and just wanted to talk to him. The next weekend, i wanted to be good, but I mike was convincing, and i went to see him. I parked my car elsewhere and went to go see him. I didn't realize that I had accidentially left one of the texts on my phone and Travis found out. When he found out he threw the phone at me and broke it. The next day we went to pburg to go get a new phone, but at the same time he wanted me to tell Mike I could not talk to him anymore. i couldn't stand losing soembody else close to me. The abuse got worse. And I hadn't seen his family since July. He left me the day before Thanksgiving and I had to drive to Cinci alone and face my family. on the way there I got a speeding ticket, because I was totally confused about everything. i started questioning whether mike had raped me because everytime we had sex, I had told him to stop, but he kept going. Or he would pressure me into it.
I felt a lone.
A few hours before my birthday he decided to stuff me in the tiolet all because I wouldn't tell him my new myspace [censored]. I ended up with bruises all over me. That night I screamed for my life. my neighbor, who was also my VP didn't hear. I had wanted to leave but he threatened to kill my cat. So I stayed. The next day he left to go Bluefield. I knew he needed help for his PTSD and so I contacted one of his friends. Then she contacted him and while we were out for my bday they were texting back and forth, which totally upset me. A week later he left and because I had fun over the weekend and he saw it over my myspace he decided it was directed at him and used that as an excuse not to come home or contact me through Christmas. I had it, I decided to leave him. i got everything together, a new apt, a new checking account, I went to get my phone changed over because I knew he would cancel it as soon as he found out, and the lady at the store wouldn't transfer it unless she had his okay even though I had full privileges. [censored] [censored]. That night he went off his noodle. Told me that he was going to kill my cat and ect. We met at the mall that night and we dicussed what would be his and what would be mine. He got there before I did and ransacked the house. i had called the cops but luckily he wasn't there. The lies continued. I learned exactly how much he had lied to both her and I. After everything he still tried to control me.
Now I am trying to get on with my life and I realize I now have PTSD myself from going through everything. I wish I would not have fought for my marriage because in the end it destroyed me.