A year has gone by. The RO has been reinstated. But I am still afraid. I ended up getting Sole custody of the children. And the threats of the violence keep coming back in my mind. I am having a hard time forgetting about it. I dont think the nightmares will ever end. Living in a close knit community I realize he may come back anyway and do some harm. I could'nt have broke away without my families support. Thank God for that. I may have to go back to support group meetings to help me cope with the after effects. I dont wish anyone would have to go through the violence I had to endure... The only thing is, is I failed to open my eyes to it. Until I was badly injured. I now realize why women stay in the cycle. They blame themselves that they caused it. Or they feel it is their job to try to prevent it from happening. I always wondered why I was alway unable to have a single dollar in my wallet. If I had anything in it he would take it. I would be called every name in the book. And I always felt I was always trying to please him or to make him happy. Now I realize it was to ease his anger within himself. Now that it is over I realize things that I never realized when we were living together. I am free, I am happy... But I always will feel that need to look over my shoulder to make sure I am safe. That sad thing is, is he still doesn't comprehend the damage that he caused. He twists up the situation. And tries to make himself look good. And lies to the max to make himself look good. But in all reality he is lying to himself.
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I am still afraid