I married my first husband straight out of high school, prior to him deploying to Desert Storm. Our marriage lasted 7 years. 2.5 together and 4.5 trying to finalize the divorce. When we split our son's were 2 and 4 month old. While together he was a great father and provider. After the split he became the absent dad. Our children have not seen him since 1999. Even though he has every other weekend visit per our custody order. To date he has never made any of the important functions i.e Birthday parties, play's, football games, surgeries/hospitalization I have invitied him and informed him until I relaized you cannot make someone be there for their children. Several years have gone by 8 to be exact without any communication. My boys know him or of him, could they ID him Nope! Well, We have both remarried and he has had 2 other children. Much younger than our son's. by law I have to inform him of our address if we move. Current husband is active Duty Military. We have always been in driving distance so the being a military family has not played a roll in no visit from dad nor phone calls. we moved and I texted him the address over a month ago August 2007, As of Sept2007 Ex is calling asking questions about our kids, how are they etc. As a matter of fact he called the day AFTER our youngest son's 13th b-day. The first time HE has called in 8 years. I told him how he was missing out on the best thing in his life his oldest children's lives. How proud I am of them and how great they are with everything they set their hearts out to do. I asked the boys did they want to talk to thier father? I got an instant NO! and FOr what! SO I said to them Be nice be the better person and say hello. They call their father by his name, has been that way since they were 5 and 3. They call my current H dad! Who's been there for then 4 and 2. Long story short, to find out Ex youngest kid 4 or 5 years old is having a birthday and Ex told my son's he wants to come and see them soon but he has to do the Bday thing with the little girl. To my boys this was a slap in the face to them Especially my youngest who's birthday was they day before this phone call took place, and her Bday party was scheduled 3 weeks away, Ex sisnt send card, no gift for our son and called a day late! Since the seperation he has completly not been there for our children. He told my son how he coaches his 9yr old son's baseball team and puts his children on the phone to talk to our son's, Remeber they have never met his children. Both my boys are like, why are we even talking to him, we dont even know him. So why is he calling? WHat do I tell them? I once asked my Ex how come he is not in their lives, I thought it was because I got remarried, but I later found he got remarried b-4 I did because she was pregnant and her dad was and is a Pastor. Ya know how that goes. But I'm glad it happened because he finally signed to finalize the divorce when this occured. But he told me, our divorce situation and the children was causing an emotional strain and mental strain and problems between he and his current wife. SO he chose to not have any dealings with our children in order to make a life for his new family more comfortable. I was shocked. I took that as the new wife new baby forget my first family as long as my new family his happy. But, now the boys are teens, he already thinks I tell them not to talk to him which is untrue.That is just the type of person he is, if it is not his way he will not compromise. I never talk about him around the kids, this man went to the child support division the to ask them to help him not have to pay child support during our divorce, I wasnt even asking for child support. I was determined to do it without him. that is the type of person he is. But still in yet,I ask the boys every father type occassion do u want to call ur father for his Birthday, christmas, father days my boys always say no or for what. I would like for them to know him to see what type of man he is and know how not to treat their children like that...But they the boys want nothing to do with him or his children. The boys have even asked me to change their last name to my maiden name. They dont want o carry on a family name for whom they dont even know the family. But now the tables :confused: are turned the Ex is calling texting and emailing ME! And so far I have ignored his contact. The boys are hurt buy the little girl bday thing. I think they are. But they say no. And they both have no interst in seeing dad. They have even made a bet that he wont show. What do I do? I know if he shows he'll will bring his children and I think starting out he should not bring them because they have a rough road of patch work to do. And because they are young his focus wont be on our children and their interest. I now wish that he was'nt calling after all the years I wanted him to. like they say be careful what u wish for! Any advise would be appreciated
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He's back?!?! Help me & my 2 teenage son's