| Karen1 |
| (Pooh-Bah) |
| 07/14/07 01:17 PM |
Re: is this settlement fair to both of us?
|
I think you are selling yourself short. Both now and for the long term. You have to think of your retirement future... your STBX is no longer going to. You have to rely on yourself to think ahead. First step is getting a good attorney that has handled many divorce cases. IMO, experience does count.
Your STBX reluctance to answer e mails etc. indcates to me that he just wants to move out and to hell with the legal aspects. I don't think that indicates a lot of cooperation will be coming from his end.
I am speaking of how things were done in my case, in my state of OH. I assume that we all know that is in the USA and that not all of our states have identical laws. My EX left 2 days before he turned 55. I spent 20 months and a lot of $$ trying to come to agreement on financial details so we could do a dissolution vs. divorce. Because I thought it was the right thing to do. In retrospect, I wasted that 20 months and I wasted $ that could have been put to better use.Plus, until I filed for divorce, was little legal protection. EX moved out, but there was nothing stopping him from moving himself and his OW back into our house. Of course if I had just gone belly up and agreed with how EX thought it should go it would have been done in a heartbeat. I would also have had to pass on my share of assets and I was not willing to do so.
Once I filed for divorce and it was in the hands of the legal system my EX could no longer delay things as easily as he had been. Within a few weeks of my filing there was a temp. court hearing. The magistrate and judge court ordered what the temp financial arrangements would be, who would have occupancy of the house , how we would split paying taxes, insurance, repairt to the house. Financial restraining orders were put into place that pertained to accounts.
I was so much better off financially after I filed for divorce. I had no protection legally until I did so. My EX ran up a lot of credit card debt, I did not. To his credit he did not ask that I pay any of that debt and I did not ask that he pay toward any of my debt, including my vehicle, medical expenses etc. When it came to pensions and our assets, it should have been a fairly simply deal. The fact that it was not resolved in a timely fashion worked against my EX. The results were the same as I suggested at the onset... 50/50... plus he had to pay some of my attorney fees. The judge said that was because my fees were higher due to EX's habit of not responding in a timely fashion and it then required additional action on the part of my attorney and the court.
Your stbx could come and empty the house of it contents, empty any accounts. Changing the locks is one thing... he can also have them changed. He could then gain entry and your keys would no longer work. He could break a window and enter, he would not be breaking the law.
Once divorced... you have no control over his assets. His estate could well go to the OW and there is nothing you can do about that. Better to accept that now and not be bitter over it. On the bright side.. it seems as a couple you have some nice marital assets. You can control what happens to your share of those assets.
Sorry this is so long. Wanted to share some history so that you would hopefully understand where I am coming from. My advice is to file now and get some temp. court orders in place. Start protecting yourself.