| shortmarriage |
| (Pooh-Bah) |
| 04/22/09 10:44 PM |
Re: divorce over money... or character flaws....?
|
Counseling did not help my marriage. In fact, it made things much, much worse. My STBX would be so ticked about what I would say in the therapist's office. He told me that I was using things against him. He also refused the suggestions our therapist made for our "homework." After our appointments together, it would be a LONG ride home with no speaking once we got home. A few months before I moved out, he told me he would only speak to me in the therapist's office. Did he really think that I would stay in a marriage like that? Yes.
Your husband is embarrased he's losing everything? He just doesn't want to take responsibility for himself. He sounds like a man child. Is he overly concerned with outward appearances? Like, does he like for everything to appear to be perfect while your marriage has been falling apart?
Well, you deserve more in a marriage than just a roommate. Especially an abusive one! He's not able to give you what you need. You probably have known that deep down inside for some time now. The guilt trips may have worked before, keeping you from seeing what is really happening in your marriage. Manipulaters and abusers are really good at the guilt trips.
I totally agree with what you said about boundaries. Once they realize they can cross those, they will continue a little more each time, for a little longer, and then before you know it...yes, it becomes a cycle.
When the marriage is missing the love, trust, respect, commitment, security, stability, and all that good stuff that marriages are based on...the financial problems do add insult to injury. Particularly with a short term marriage. I cannot agree with you more. That's definitely been the case with me.
Why did you have to help him with money to get an apartment? Is he not working? When is he moving out?
You'll build your retirement back up. You'll get back on your own two feet. It'll be a lot easier without the dead weight. Hang in there.