| Drew |
| (old hand) |
| 08/19/07 09:25 PM |
Re: So heartbroken
|
hurtin,
I have a personal quandary.
I have long wondered if true love was something that only one person had to feel. Is it really "true" love if it is only one sided or to be "true" does it have to be reciprocated?
As a young boy my parents seperated and would later (much later) divorce. I watched my father (who cheated on my mother) have numerous relationships (much younger women) and go on to live some sort of a life (eventually remarrying and divorcing). My mother on the other hand, never seemed to get past him. She has for the most part lived a solitary life every since. It shaped an observation. That being, one person can love unconditionally and without reservation while the object of their affections may not reciprocate. As a young man this was probably one of the paramount injustices I personally could conceive (and remains so today). It has since seemed to me to be an abomination. A perversion that someone could/can feel so deeply, so completely for another and it is not "automatically" reciprocated. I wondered how there was no auto catalyst, some sort of chemical reaction that insured this greatest of gifts was received and returned in kind. I will never understand. This phenomenon (or lack of such) caused me to question God. I have watched my mother live alone, in love with someone who doesn't know or care for the last 27 years.She deserved so much more. She didn't understand this and has consequently wasted her life.
I am recently divorced after a 24 yr. relationship (19 married). I had until the last year or so, known the company of only one woman. I have measured every other woman that I have been with against her on some level or another. I don't know if I can feel that way about someone else anymore. I know that although I will probably always love her (x), she is no longer for me and that season has surely passed. I don't mourn her so much as I mourn what I had (or thought I had), something I've heard from numerous others here.
You will have to answer your own question. You will have to value yourself enough to move on and find something worthwhile. Whether this is another or just a solitary existence, don't waste your years fawning his loss. It really is his loss.
I believe that life without love and passion isn't living. Life without love and passion is existence. The two bear no resemblance. Your pain is evidence of your depth. This depth has value. It is a blessing and a curse. You do get to choose which it is.........not choosing is also a choice. Time won't necessarily heal but it does make it bearable. Move on.