| Renee |
| (Carpal \'Tunnel) |
| 10/31/07 11:03 PM |
DO NOT PASS GO
|
Do not collect the lying, cheating, always right man with the controlling Xwife and the disrespectful child.
Good:
#5 should be a given - it should be so inside the parameter of normal its not even listed - he does not get points for NOT being an abuser. There are plenty of men out there who do not beat or hit the woman in their life.
Bad:
#6, #7 & #8 are classic signs of passive aggressive behavior. He always manages to assert his control over you by not doing things that would show he appreciates you (bdays / vday), or that he respects you (swearing and discounting your views/opinions). He gets the control because he knows he hurts you with this behavior.
It is NOT just you. Beth, I can't stress to you enough, to trust your instincts. Your gut feeling right now is telling you this marriage would be a mistake - listen to it. Do not think that he'll change after a slice of wedding cake. If he's this way with you now, can you imagine how little regard he will have for you once he knows you're legally obligated to him, and he no longer has to 'court' you????
Women have been conditioned for years to look inward when there are problems in a relationship. "What did * I * do to cause the problem?". "If I am patient enough, he'll see how much I love him and he'll start treating me better." "If I just BE better, he'll treat me better". I have two words for that:
Horse Puckey.
Staying in a relationship with someone who treats you with disrespect, and who gives little regard to things that matter to you, only shows that person that you find their behavior acceptable. If he thinks he can get away with that treatment, he has no incentive to change it, so he'll keep doing what he's doing.
Weddings are called off ALL THE TIME. Even more weddings are followed thru with only because the invitations are sent and $$ will be lost. Trust me when I say you could lose a helluva lot more $$ going thru a divorce - not to mention the emotional toll of having a failed marriage.
Do not walk INTO a burning building.....