| NancyD |
| (Pooh-Bah) |
| 10/07/06 10:15 AM |
Re: Preteen daughter putting friends before family
|
I think she's doing what many 12 year olds try to do these days, and as the parent, it's your job to reign her in. Do not let her call the shots when it comes to the few family events you schedule. Given that she does planty of other things with her friends, the one or two family activities you seem to have planned in a month (like the visits with GM) should take precedent over functions she wants to attend with her friends.
My daughter is turning 15 on Monday, and if I let her, her social life would be soley spent with her friends. But, since we have a lot of family around (I have a son, three brothers, a sister-in-law, two neices, a nephew, an aunt, and my father all within a few miles. Extend it to a few hours drive, and there are an equal number of other siblings and their families.), I have to be sure there is a balance in her life that leaves room for these other people who care about her.
Not every family gathering is as "fun" as one with her friends, but more often than not, she finds something to amuse herself. The worst times, though, are when a family event comes in direct conflict with a social event planned with her friends. In those cases, I play it by ear. For instance, over Fourth of July weekend, we were invited to one of my brother's for a barbecue and to watch the local fireworks. He just put in a beautiful pool, and the fireworks are set off from the school field across the street from his house. You couldn't ask for a better set-up. But of course, my daughter wanted to go to her friend's party a mile away. I said she could go to her friend's for the early part of the evening, and that they were invited to come to her uncle's to watch the fireworks @9 pm.
We have spent a lot of time at this particular brother's home, due to the new pool and the central location of his house to other family members, so I did not press that she attend the entire evening with us. But I did insist that she come for at least part of the evening, and her friends were invited to join us.
At other times, I have to admit, I've had a sulking child in the back seat of the car while we drove to a dinner. But in those cases, it was a visit with a someone who was not local, and seeing them when they were in the area was more important than a movie with a few friends that she would see everyday at school, IMO.