My children are 23 & 20. The 23 boy is married a year now. I feel he married to a degree to feel safe. He loves her...high school sweetheart, but I think he rushed somewhat. Here is what I am struggling with. Divorce 5/07. I feel horrible that my kids had to see who their parents turned into throughout the last 4 years of marriage. Ex...went nuts...and then I did because of his lies. I couldn't hold my emotions together at all. Instead of being there for them, just loving them...I was spending all my energy in fear of what was happening with the financial things. The financial (what I call corruption and lies) was bad. Ex didn't care what he was doing to either me or the kids. The kids blamed me for being the (b) to their father and for not being the better person. Ex walked out pretty much and left me to handle. Ex told the kids,Mom needs to be nicer to me as he was setting himself up to fraud me in the divorce. I knew what his motive was and the kids felt sorry for him. Of course I didn't one bit. I thought there would be peace now that it was over, and ex would try to do the right thing for once. I still cannot understand so many things as to why he did them and get angry/hurt. I want to be there for my kids..but so hard. They believed all his lies..even still. My son cried the other day and said he wants his Mom back. I don't know whether that Mom exists. I felt like I was treated like an animal..kicked enough times that ex felt I would just walk away. He says things like....you BETTER do this/that. You are gross/look like [censored]....really mean cruel things. I am not happy at all. I want the worst for him. He even told the kids about our property settlement. I think that was wrong. I want my kids to understand how I feel, but afraid to let them in. I don't trust them for some reason. I would like us to go to counseling to be able to express our feelings in a neutral safe place...with boundaries. Ex thinks it is stupid and told them so. I can't beg them to go, but I know it will help all of us. I feel that the pain will not go away if it doesn't happen. I know time heals...should I give it more time?
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My children and I are hurting.