| BB1 |
| (Carpal \'Tunnel) |
| 12/23/06 07:57 AM |
Re: How much do you tell the kids?
|
I think it is age dependant. Your kids are old enough to know the truth. I wouldn't just call a meeting a say here is how it is but when your ex pulls something like this past ski trip, you can say I'm sick of this shi+ and boys you need to know how it really is. I think for toddlers and kids they need a certain level of protection while they grow, work on an identity for themselves and their confidence level. Once a child has that, they should be prepared to hear it as it is and make an informed, objective decision.
In my case, my ex was horrible...you know that but I wasn't wife of the year either. My ex talked a great deal of trash to my daughter about me and not once took accountability for his failures in our marriage. During the first few years I would cover by saying he's so angry or I wish he wouldn't say bad things about me. So, when my daughter said [I think she was around 15yo then. The years have all blended together now.] "daddy called you a slu+ again", I said, listen A, it went like this...yes, I did something very wrong and I shouldn't have did it but daddy was no angel either during our marriage. I told her a few things like how he would stay out all night and not call. Then I said if you want to know anything else just ask. And she did...Did daddy ever cheat? Yes. With who? I don't know. Did daddy ever do drugs? Yes. What kind? Weed and Meth. Does he still? No. Is that why you cheated? No. That was my bad choice. I'm sorry I did it and I hope you never do.
So, you see, I told her what she needed to know - he did, I did - then opened it up for her to get the details SHE wanted not what I wanted to give her...make sense? Then I gave her short answers and didn't go into how many times daddy stayed out, or smoked weed, or cheated. I just told her he did. It wasn't a formal sit down discussion and it didn't all happen at once. Sometimes she'd inquire during dinner or while I was driving or cooking. Sometimes she'd just ring my cell phone but I always gave her an honest answer when she asked.
Wrapping up my babble now...
I do think your kids are old enough to know the truth because they have managed through the crazy teen years. Your YS might have trouble hearing it since he's so close to your ex and has issues of his own but since he's been in that school and is seemingly better, he should be mentally/emotionally strong enough to hear the truth.