| Curmudgeon |
| (Pooh-Bah) |
| 12/23/06 08:54 AM |
Re: How much do you tell the kids?
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If the children will be placed in any form of peril or harm in company with the ex I would certainly discuss that with them.
Beyond that, I subscribe to the approach my wife took with her ex whom she's always classified as a "sorry SOB." She warned their daughters about his drinking telling them that if he'd been drinking they were to call her to come get them (as per court order prohibiting his use of alcohol around them). Beyond that, she kept silent to let the girls have their own, uninfluenced relationships with their father and know him on their terms, not hers or anyone elses.
In my case, while I may have slipped on occasion I tried my level best to never say anything negative about the ex or our 25-year marriage. I didn't have to. Children are very perceptive and three of the five now want nothing to do with her while two are rather ambivalent towards her. She moved away and sees none of them.
Over the years, three of the four of them, separately and on their own have approached me and complained about how she treated them and how they remember me stepping in as a buffer on many occasions. I just listen. I don't have to comment. They're all glad for me that I'm no longer married to her and have found happiness with someone else.