KiwiGirl
(Carpal \'Tunnel)
02/27/10 01:18 PM
Quite frankly

It hurts for a while. So accept the feeling as pain and sadness and the loss of someone you you shared life with. By accepting it you will feel better and not feel like you have to fight off the feelings.

Try reducing the amount of contact time with him. If you drop your son at his dad's place, plan to run an errand immediately afterwards even if it is a trip to the local bookstore to get another selfhelp book! Then you drop off your son, get in the car and drive away because you have something else to do. If he calls, do not get into long conversations with thim. If he does this it is to make him feel like a better person and everything is fine and you are doing OK and he made the right decision and and and ...
Answer his questions. If you don'thave an answer right then and there, tell him you will email a response in 24 hrs. Then say "Is that all? OK bye!" and hang up the phone. No talks about mutual friends or the funny thing your son did today etc. If he wanted to see every funny thing he did the father would have stuck around and been a better partner.

In time you will feel better. You may not believe it but you have actually moved on a little since the divorce. And maybe the sense of betrayal and guilt at forgetting about him as your spouse has slowed you down.

My ex told me how much he made a mistake. But it happened just before I remarried so his admission meant nothing to me. And I think this will be the case with you. He will admit his mistake when you are in no mind to take him back.

As for moving on? Redecorate or at the least get new sheets and decorate 1 room in your house as 'yours' and no one elses. YOU decorate it as YOU want it. not your son, (unless it is his bedroom!)not for your ex. Just for you.

Be strong, it will get better. Promise. I was a mess for a year before I pulled my head out of my arse and realised I did not owe him this much headspace as he had treated me very badly when he left and quite frankly, didn't deserve me.



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