| KiwiGirl |
| (Carpal \'Tunnel) |
| 12/09/10 02:48 PM |
Re: Duh...need to figure this out
|
A few questions that have arisen on another site...
Do you text with your ex? How many times a day? Do you turn your phone off when you are with your GF? Has you GF had much to do with your children? How often do you spend talking to or about your ex? Negative or positive?
I appreciate the kids coming first. However there HAS to be time for adult time. If you are constantly on-call for your kids ... put it this way. Even if you are married and go out, do you let the kids call you all the time? I know I didn't. Yes you are Dad but you have chosen to also have a woman in your adult world and have a romantic relationship there. And this woman is not part of your past from the day you brought those tiny bundles home from the hospital. She has entered your life show at about Act 3.
The Chirstmas thing is understandble. She sees you bending over and saying "I will do whatever Ex suggests (good or bad decision) because she knows best and I know nothing and will bow to her forever." What have you done off your own back? And did your ex go along with it?
What do you think would happen if you told your ex "No, I will have the kids Christmas Eve and you can come and stay here or near here with your b/f so you can experience Christmas in my home." See what I mean? If you agree not to rock the boat when do you rock the boat and stand up for yourself and your future?
You both came into this relationship with baggage. Her situation seems that she suffered at the hands of an abuser and she gets angry when she percieves your ex abusing your good nature. It is like a wound for her that gets some salt dropped into it. It is her flashpoint.
You? You want normal again. Companionship and kids. Right now the kids are foremost and your g/f who has her own issues is shunted back.
I would agree that you should stay in a hotel nearby. This staying in her b/fs house... I have been remarried 6 yrs and not with my ex for 10+ yrs and I wouldn't even ask him to stay with us.
You say you cannot deny your ex uses you financially. This is something you should nip in the bud. If she is asking for extra money for x, y & z and you don't think it is neccessary consider how you would solve the issue if you were still married. If she is making arbitrary decisions and then informing you how much her wonderful plan/event/class is going to cost you then your g/f has a point.
Just some things to think about. If you include someone in your life as a romantic partner then you need to consider their feelings as well. I can give you the name of a website where the S/mothers are treated like glorified babystters and housekeepers while the BMs STILL run the lives of the men stuck in the middle.