| Moi |
| (old hand) |
| 06/17/05 01:54 PM |
Re: In NJ. Question on dating recent separated man
|
From a biblical standpoint - If he didn't get married in a church, he isn't even married. (this we do not know)
From a religious standpont - Depending on the religion - he is committing adulty even AFTER the divorce.
From a LEGAL standpoint - it is adultry. How that played into his divorce and custody is dependant on their state laws and the judge.
From a moral standpoint - it all depends on whose morals your talking about ;-)
From a REALISTIC standpoint - MANY people (particularly those with a pattern of break-up/get back together) go through a period after seperation where there is no telling WHAT they are gonna do or whether it is "really" over.
It's really an individual situation.
Is he really DONE with the STBX? Maybe
Will he go back to her? Maybe
Is this relationship the "real deal"? Maybe
Is this relationship a rebound? Maybe
Will it effect his custody? Maybe
Will it make no difference in custody? Maybe
Is adulty considered a crime is their state? Maybe
Are "alienation of affection" laws applicable in their state and does this woman have a case for that and could the poster then eventually find herself sued? Maybe
In the end, you just gotta do what you think is right. I do agree with the poster that if there is a chance this could effect custody and you really care for this man and it DOES effect the custody.... you're gonna have a hard time living with the guilt later.
In reality though... probability and statistically... he is a man. He isn't liable to get full custody of these children. He will most likely get standard EOW visitation, adultry or no adultry. Men who get custody have ex's who don't WANT custody or who are total screw ups and they have some serious evidence to prove it. Not even the "crack whore" Mom looses custody thing is a total reality. My husbands ex is a drug addict (admitedly) and their marriage ended due to HER affair and the most he got was 50/50 and that was ONLY because by the grace of god she agreed to it and by the time she protested it, it was the status quo so she lost suit to take it.
Also reality is that if she has a problem with your relationship with him, she has tools avaialable to make that difficult. Namely a clause in the final custody order stating he can have no overnight visitors when the children are there (meaning you) and he can not cohabit with anyone, meaning no living together until after the wedding.