| HO2 |
| (member) |
| 08/14/06 09:19 PM |
Re: a saved marriage
|
>what exactly are you asking for in your post - validation >to seek another man to fill what exactly?
I shared my story. I noticed people being in the same situation as me 4 years ago and I told them what I did. That is it. Of course, I was trying to spark a discussion at the same time.
>is there no spark in your marriage?
There is friendship.
>what have you and your husband done to recreate what you >once had?
We have what we once had.
>is this OM worth having in your life what it would do to >your husband and child?
Well, at the time I did not think so and opted against him.
>Have you tried to make your marriage work - sticking it >out is not the same as making your marriage work - >counseling, date nights, family trips....
No couple counseling. He, too, thought that would be stupid. I once went all by myself. The shrink said a marriage that is not so intense is usually a good thing for kids, as the parents tend to focus on the kid instead of each other.
Yes, there were /are date nights, yes, many family trips. We spend a lot of time travelling together. We have a large circle of friends.
>are you pining for some eye candy?
Eye Candy? My husband is young, the OM was more like heading towards his 60s. So far for eye candy. And if you come up with the cliche of money and status now. The OM does not have more money or status.
>what if this OM does not feel the void you are feeling in >your life,
I am afraid he would not only fill it, but over-fill it, which I don't think is a good thing. Maybe that is part of my catholic upbringing that I think living an egoisme à deux is a bad thing. Plus my priority is my child. My decision for my husband was also a decision for my child, i.e. I feared that an emotionally intense relationship would take away too much from the time and energy I should
spend on my child. And of course, I had no wish to hurt my husband either.
>have you seeked counseling for yourself to see if you can >find happiness for yourself without needing to stray.
I am not straying. I have not been involved in multiple affairs. I don't go out by myself. I don't flirt. I don't do internet chat on my space or whereever. I look after my child, I work, I make plans with my husband. That is it.
>I would not say yes or no to your choices but what have >you really put into it, like I said, just passing the time >is not putting forth an effort.
I guess that is the point. I am putting in my time, all of my time and my husband put in some more attention and made a bigger effort to take time out to talk to me. The result is decently good, but that does not mean we came up with a 'new' marriage. Or that the things that lack do not lack anymore. And that is just what is. That is the whole story I wanted to tell on this board. And basically I would be surprised if our marriage was the only one that is like that. Maybe the whole mystery of long-term marriages is just that: mutual respect and the willingness to say: okay, that is it, maybe it is not the best out there, but it is OK.