| curiousity |
| (recently joined) |
| 02/14/07 05:25 PM |
Re: Niceguy's final update
|
Niceguy,
I am very sorry to hear your marriage isn't going to survive. Me coming on to this site was an accident. A couple of months ago I had a big fight with my husband and I was just sitting at work with my door closed sobbing.. I am not the kind of person who discusses dirty details of my marriage with my friends or family so I just wanted to talk to a complete stranger. I didn't.. Instead I ended up on this site and started reading some of the other posts.. It did not make me feel better but it killed time until I got home that evening and talked our problems over with him.
Anyway, since then I have been reading some of the posts and i have to tell you, for some reason, your story is the one that kept me coming back.. Initially I agreed with the people who advised you to stick it out for a little longer to see what happens next. I never think divorce should be taken lightly- people are not disposable commodity and should not be treated as such.. You are invaluable.. You should be the center of the universe for each other's universe, and if she, the most important person in your life fails to recognize that or respect the institution of marriage, then you might just be better off.
I so wanted to see your wife come to her senses. I SOO wanted her to get smacked upside the head and realize how badly she has screwed up and be a little more willing to work things out.. You sound like a genuinly good person and I felt like you were being taken advantage of because of your forgiving nature. While I think it sucks that your marriage is falling apart, I think you are making the right choice for yourself. No one deserves to be blamed for someone else's mistakes, especially if the mistake is of such caliber!!! I cannot believe your wife actually had the guts to blame you for her poor judgement! She cheated, you didn't and that's the bottom line. There are NO excuses. You being absent or emotionally unavailable is not an excuse. She could have communicated her concerns to you before screwing with your marriage. She made the choice not to. Based on your posts, it sounds like you would have done (and did) anything to prevent the break up of your marriage, had she shown a little initiative and remorse. If all you say in your posts is true then she does not deserve you. She should seriously re-examine her moral standards as a woman, wife and a mother.
I don't know you and I don't think I have the right to give you advice but I would like to say one thing to you. No matter how much you love a person, NOT every mistake is a forgivable one.. Marriage is a lot of work and an endless row of compromises and giving in but certain things are important enough to not be messed with and I happen to think trust and integrity should NEVER ever be compromised in a marriage.
I did not agree with some people who told you to "allow her to forgive you" or "give her time to heal or gain interest in you and your marriage". Those are the things she should have expected YOU to feel.. You are the one who is hurt, What exactly is she healing from, the fact that she disrespected you, shown complete disregard for your marriage and her children? Completely unfair, if you ask me! I know that most of the people are gonna disagree with me but I sincerely believe punishment should fit the crime. She was getting off the hook too easily and even if you found a way to stay together, odds are, you would be too angry with her to find happiness in your marriage.. You did not say anything at all that would lead me to believe that she was sorry for a minute for her actions.
Your emotions are too intense and you are probably too involved in this situation to agree with me right now, but in time, after this whole thing is far behind you, I promise you, you will look back and realize that you did the right thing. You made the effort to make things work, you did not just walk out on her without giving her a second, third and 10th chance. You basically took the higher road and you should have no regrets..
Also, I am married to a nice guy. A very considerate, loyal and wonderful human being. He is my world, my everything. Please don't think they finish last. He certainly didn't. He can be a gentle soul and the most amazing husband but he is also a person who does not tolerate people walking all over him, and that includes me, his parents, his best friend, everyone. And for that he has my respect and the respect of people who know him. We have forgiven each other many many mistakes over the years, we are not perfect by any means and we both screw up pretty badly at times, so it's not to say that he is an unforgiving person. Not at all!!!
You sound like a respectable person and you should be treated as such.. YOu can't demand people to respect you, it is something that should be earned. And you earn respect by being a good person, doing the right thing and by knowing your worth.. You should always know your worth!
Times ahead of your are gonna be lonely and tough so please find comfort knowing that you did not cause the break up of your marriage and that you took every chance to make it work, But some things are just not meant to be... Good luck!
PS - I am in California too, Are you in So. Cal?