CleverTwo
(recently joined)
02/17/07 02:23 AM
Can this be saved? Not the typical children issue

Before my wife and I got married we talked about the major issues in life and one that we discussed was having children in the future. Basically she said, "yeah, one day but not anytime soon". This suited me just fine, we got married pretty young (22 her, 25 me) and I was content that one day we would have children.

Well fast forward about 2 years and I bring it up, again for the future not at that point, and she decides that she really doesn't want kids anymore.

Now at that time I could almost understand her change of heart, about four months ago she stopped working as a caregiver for her mother which she had been doing since a year after we got married. Taking care of her mom was a very stressful experience that was emotionally and physically draining for her. I can only imagine what it's like to care for a sick parent that you constantly had to check on like a child. Could almost turn you off from the idea of having your own children.

So it's been 4 months since she stopped the caregiving and we actually spoke about it a little bit this evening, she's still against the idea of having children. She even admitted that she should have been a little more upfront about her desires, or lack there of, before we got married. I'm really not that interested in having children for another 4-5 years, so it's not like I'm being annoying about it and bringing it up all the time.

I've tried to find out why she doesn't want to have children, but haven't gotten anywhere. We're in counseling for communication issues (gotten much better) and I plan on discussing this in one of our sessions, but because of her inability to articulate her reasons I'm not too hopeful I'll learn anything new.

I guess I'm confused and little hurt, I made it perfectly clear that kids were in my future, which is obviously something that is very important to me.

As of now, my plan is to continue to get stuff in order, finances, communication issues we have and help her get established in a new career. Then we need to have a good long talk about the future and make some tough decisions.

Anyone dealt with this situation before? Any advice would be appreciated. Even though I love her very much I don't think my life would be complete (sounds cheesy) without having children, and I'm not getting any younger.

Sorry this is a little long, and maybe a little disjointed.



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