| HO2 |
| (member) |
| 06/26/08 10:29 PM |
Re: Afraid of what divorce will do to my girls....
|
Two kids under three and both parents working full-time.....I know that many people live like that, but face it: little kids take 150% percent and in most jobs they want 100% from you as well - and then what is left for your partner? What is left for yourself? Where do you find the energy to be generous, patient, loving?
Basically noone out there is a nice and charming and sensual person when they are running low on batteries and have a million things on their plates, sometimes less money and more time is the better deal.
Without knowing any details, I would think that both of you feel overwhelmed........this is the kind of sitatution where people ask themselves 'how about my needs, how about me?' I understand that frustration leads to unhappiness, unhappiness leads to anger and depression. Still, unhappiness does not give you the right to verbally abuse your partner. Unhappiness does not give you the right to abandon your partner by knocking yourself out with alcohol and leaving your partner to take care of things - the ONE moment when you could be 'family'. This is the pattern you have to break first.
And then - as a second step - you will have to talk about what each of you can do for the other to be happier. You will have to make time for you two as a couple without chores, without kids - which is probably difficult because you do not get to spend a lot of time with your kids anyway right now - and each of you will need some alone-time.... so that your wife has some time to herself where she can breathe and relax and recover and that you have some time to yourself......'room for de-stressing'....as a young parent you often forget that it is also your responsibility to see to it that you as a parent are in the best of possible shapes and that you need to be 'selfish' at times so that you can be the best version of yourself....
If all of the above does not sound feasible right now,
then know that it is only the first few years of a kid's life that they take away a lot of your time and energy. The situation now with two helpless toddlers should not be projected into the future : the future will be different, that is for certain.
You are giving now, you are sacrificing time and energy and 'fun' to raise babies, you make that sacrifice for a few years; in retrospect the phase you are going through right now will not look like a long time .....
I would not simply run away now and make a difficult situation even worse, with even less time with your kids, with even less mutual support, with even more fighting about assets, alimony, time with kids....creating five more battlefields and even more pain for the four of you .......
Changes are needed, adjustments are needed that is correct, but there are far better options out there than divorce....