| redhead58 |
| (recently joined) |
| 06/29/08 10:46 AM |
Re: Hurt, Frustrated and Conflicted
|
I think the hardest part of this for me is the mixed signals. Two weeks ago he told me the marriage was over, there was no future for us and he wanted a divorce. After the initial devastation I felt for a couple of days, I slowly started to get my bearings and think about what steps to take to implement separating/divorce. I started to make a list of things we/I should probably do and I started to think about my life as single again. I actually got to the point where I wanted to move on with my life and get out of this relationship as soon as possible.
I started out by not spending time with my spouse when in the house, trying to focus on my work and daily projects. We usually spend the evenings in our family room with our dogs, watching tv, reading, etc. For a few nights, I did not join him in the family room, and watched tv by myself in another room while working on my compuer. I started making plans with other people.
He started asking me to join him for family time at night....he wanted me to sleep in the same room with him and he suggested a couple of activities we could do that week as a break from work.
I did end up spending time with him in the family room after awhile....but more so to be with our pets and watch a particular show that was on. He is the one that wants to continue living together as "just friends" so that's how I approached it. I was just watching tv with a friend. I did not come out and state this (which I probably should have in hindsight) but at the time, I figured that was what he wanted and I had reached the same conclusion.
Later on when I suggested that we should put our house on the market.....he came back with all sorts of reasons as to why we should not put the house on the market right now.
So now that I am actually trying to move forward with things....he wants to step backwards. He is the one that said our marriage was over and there was no future. He is always the one that says that. And when I start to move on, he pulls me back.
Today he is now furious with me because I want to take a couple of days off this week to go hiking with friends and he feels I am being selfish because he wants to take some days off to go hiking by himself. He feels that I should pick one day and he gets the other day. We have an elderly pet at home that should not be left alone for too long a period. So now my husband feels that I am being selfish because I want to monopolize the two good weather days of the coming week (it has been raining alot here lately so it's been tough to get out and go hiking for a few weeks).
I kept saying I did not want to discuss this right now....we could discuss it later. But he kept following me around, bullying me and saying he was the one that a few weeks ago thought things were going really well between us and when I started "complaining" at the marriage counselors, he realized at that point that I just like to complain. And that's when he decided that our marriage had no future.
?????
Even the counselor tried to tell him at that session that I was not complaining about him or attacking him. But he only heard what he wanted to hear.
He tells me things are over....then when I start to move on he acts like things are okay between us. And when I continue to make my own plans, he blows up because I won't accommodate his needs.
Is this normal????
I admit that I am being selfish in wanting to take two days off this week to go hiking. But I am also trying to move on with my life. I do agree that we have a joint responsibility to take care of our elderly pet. So I do feel guilty about wanting to take the days off. But I am also needing to get out and do things away from our house. I need to get out and enjoy life, get away from the negativity here and be with people that enjoy my company.
Yes that is selfish. But should I really be so concerned with what he thinks of me at this point? He's already told me that our marriage is over and he just wants to be friends.