| myheart |
| (enthusiast) |
| 11/06/09 09:36 AM |
Re: Trying so hard to save my marriage
|
You canot stop loving somebody you loved for so long, it is our second nature to do that. But we can't fool ourself forever in the name of love, if somebody is treating us like doormate, and doesn't return same, nope.
You can say well you must have done something for him to behave this way. Well no, becuase we all know life is full of challanges, marriage is about facing them together as our challanges. Though during intial phase of love one may think well I can do anything, but when challange hit somehow not everybody is ready for it. We all come with different skillset.
So I was for the challange, and he wasn't he kept saying well at my age, I need very predictable, issue free life. I said how can you have predictable life, when we have chidlren, things do change from morning till night. If I didn't share things what happened since I knew he didn't like to hear, then it was I was hiding, if I told him then it is too much to handle, and everything like how come I can't handle it on my own etc...
SO there is no win situation. Even after that even today I care about him, I still try to understand his point of view, I still think well he didn't know how to handle challanges so he left. But then bigger question comes, how will we know in the future somebody is ready for marriage. Marriage is not about fun fun and happy happy, singing moment every day every second. It is lots of work, right.And at the end of day, we all are together is biggest reward, right...
We all have to make a choice how are we going to see our future life,
either cry our eyes out for the person who left us, by showing every which way he/she doesn't care.
or
Move on with our life with head high, only way I am able to do that keeping minimum contact with him and by reducing the impact of his behaviour on my mind and heart.
He was my weakness, even when he was yelling constantly, becuase that became norm for me and keeping contact with him in any shape and form makes me weak, and I refused to become weak, because I have to work and take care of me and chidlren and he is not there to back me up.
What choices can you have.
I go through my ups and down, but I am doing with dignity, not depending on anybody for anything.