| Terri1 |
| (journeyman) |
| 04/12/12 04:12 PM |
Re: Anyone with a Success Story?
|
"I" was able to save my marriage. But a better way to look at it may be that I was able to reinvent my marriage. It took a long, long time and only worked when I was willing to put me first and give up my marriage. Sounds strange doesn't it.
Long story short, husband had girlfriend, I found out, husband left, lived with girlfriend, we didn't divorce for a number of reasons, mostly financial, that worked to the advantage of both of us. Separated but friendly, well as friendly as you can be with a spouse that has a girlfriend. I dated some, kept on with my life and moved forward the best I could. It isn't easy. Nothing sets you up for how awful divorce is for everyone involved.
A couple of years went by, we were both very different from our experience. Had quite a bit of contact. Grown children, grandchildren - we saw each other at many family events. My kids would not be around girlfriend and he never pushed it so it worked out OK.
Began discussions of getting back together. Lots of back and forth. Dated and eventually lived together again. Big adjustment for the kids. Big adjustment for me. Assume it was a big adjustment for him but he never really talked about it. Over three years now. Don't think we have ever been happier. If you don't count the separated years, we have been married over 30. I think it will last.
Advice - Nothing to be gained in a divorce by completely alienating your spouse. Nothing to be gained by hanging around begging to save your marriage. Take care of yourself, your children and your friends. You have to be open to a new reality which is you by yourself, you with someone else eventually or you reconciling with your spouse. Don't lose yourself in the process.