| EmC |
| (veteran) |
| 06/19/05 09:23 PM |
When will some people ever learn????
|
We had such a drama filled day today. Now, honestly, while BM caused it, I honestly don't think it was intended to turn out the way it did.
Background: Since the day my husband moved out after catching her in her THIRD affair (well, actually second and third...he found out about the second at the same time), she has given a rat's butt about him or the kids relationship with him. Every birthday, Father's Day or Christmas...nothing. She would have died before taking the kids to do anything. So as a result, we have developed our own traditions. For every holiday, I buy my husband a "nice" gift (translation: more expensive) as a token of my appreciation for him and the man he his. But I also take the kids to the Dollar Store and let them buy whatever they think Daddy would like. The five gifts he gets there are the best. And the explanations: hilarious!
Well, the kids show up with a gift this time. It put me in a pickle because, of course, my boys then wanted to be able to buy a gift for him and of course the skids still wanted to do the Dollar Store thing. So I trimmed back my gift and took the boys to buy him something from the two of them and then also still did the Dollar Store thing with all five. Problem solved, right?
I wish....Of course, I find out right before we give the gifts, the skids didn't have any idea what BM bought so it really wasn't from them. It was a book....he already had and the skids knew it. Of course, the gift the boys got him was something he didn't have and really wanted, since they picked it out and not some stranger. The skids were DEVASTATED that he already had the book and nothing any of us said made them feel better. THEN to top it off, my boys come and are all upset because my sson told them they should have picked out a sdad card, not a dad card. When I ask him why he said it, I get the, "Well, my mom said they should and today isn't sdad day".
Sigh...I guess my issue is if she had been a stand up person through out (like my husband was....the kids have been given money to shop for their mother for Mother's Day, her birthday and Christmas every year since the divorce and THEY pick them out, not us) and had done this each year, we wouldn't have made our own traditions. But to just do this, with no regard to the other children, when she knows my husband considers them his own....was a little insensitive to them, at the very least. It made like a "line in the sand" between kids and skids and it was very upsetting to BOTH sides.
The skids went back because it is still her extended visitation right now and she called a little later wanting to know why I took them shopping since she already bought a gift and that my sson told her that my husband already had it. I confirmed it all and told her next time, she should consult me about this stuff. She, of course, said, "They are MY kids" and I said, "Yes, but he is MY husband and that was who the gift was for. If you had let me know, I would have told you that we have our own traditions or at the very least, told you he already had the book"....to which she said, "I think I know XXXX..." and I cut her off and said, "No, you don't. I don't know my ex either and I would ask his SO before I bought him a gift because it is rude and disrespectful to her." She, of course, countered with, "It was from the skids" to which I said, "No, it wasn't. YOU bought it. THEY didn't know. If they had, they knew he had the book because sson used it for a book report! The gift was from you and you stepped over the line. All I am saying is next time, given the fact that numerous holidays have passed, you might check with us on what we normally do because you don't know. It will save us all the drama of having little kids with hurt feelings and isn't that what we all want????"
She of course got snippy and then her husband got on, we had the same conversation and he agreed with me that since the kids didn't pick it out, it really wasn't appropriate and since we have five kids in our family, not three, and we operate like an intact family (no mine or yours) that all kids need to be considered.
Now, after thinking it out, maybe she did mean it. I mean, we wouldn't have said anything about it. We chalked it up to a well-meaning thing that turned out not so good. But her calling, it was like looking for the fight. I don't know....but I just wish she would think before acting. she hurt five kids feelings, three of which were hers, by not thinking out the actions.
Sheesh....anyone else feel like in a blended family, it is such a delicate balance. I didn't think it would turn out as bad as it did with the kids, but everyone had their feelings hurt.