| Rebecca5 |
| (Carpal \'Tunnel) |
| 06/17/08 03:14 PM |
Re: What do you do with lazy kids???
|
Well...
We talk a lot about responsibilities, and how much each child is capable of handling. If they can't get the basics done: cleaning their spaces, putting their clothes away, etc (things with which safety and security are NOT an issue, and should be second nature by now).....then it wouldn't be safe for me to allow them to shoulder the heavier ones: going out in a group of friends, having a cell phone, Internet usage, etc (things that require newly acquired skills, the ability to reason and keep themselves safe).
I usually say something like, "I'm not really comfortable with you going to the beach with Allison and Jordan right now, DD. There seems to be a struggle to get XXX done this week, and I feel like you might be overwhelmed." And it's like magic. XXX gets done. 99% of my rules are centered around safety and security....choices and consequences.... and accountability.
As a general rule, though, I don't think that steps should be doing the lion's share of the disciplining, without a bio-parent's involvement. If a step is the one present in the home most of the time, a simple family meeting where rules/expectations are set forth for everyone, at the same time can set a great tone. It shows unity, and everyone is clear that both parents are of the same mind. IMO, it just looks a lot less like "wicked stepmother" kind of stuff when it's done that way.