| BYoung |
| (recently joined) |
| 06/10/11 12:05 AM |
Chances of Child Custody for the Father?
|
Recently my wife of 2 years had asked for a divorce, and while we had some issues we were working through, it seemed very sudden, unexpected. When I more or less begged her to reconsider and suggested we seek counseling, she broke down and admitted to an affair with a coworker, and that she was not staying. She had already found another place to live even.
Perhaps this is what frightens me the most, that it seems she was planning this for some time while leading me to believe we were working on our problems (which in hindsight, consisted of her avoiding me and even the children).
My biggest fear is that I will lose custody my daughter, and I am honestly destroyed by the prospect; she is not just my child, but I have made her my entire life.
The biggest problem I think is that I have been out of work for 3 years and while I own my property and home as separate (inherited) property, I have no car or money to speak of. However, I am not a deadbeat, let me explain:
In 2008, while my wife was pregnant with my daughter, my mother was diagnosed with heart disease and lung cancer which was later found to have spread to her brain. At this time my wife and I agreed that I should end my employment at an auto parts store to take care of my ill mother, and if anyone has cared for a cancer patient, you know it is a 24/7 job.
When our daughter was born in 2009, I of course, took care of her as well, and eventually my mother bought a small house with some insurance money- we all moved in with me taking care of the home, my wife working nights.
During this time, I was very sensitive to not making any money, and eventually enrolled in online college courses to at least better myself during these hard times. My wife, still working nights did little more than that, it was left to me to clean, cook, care for my child and her son from a previous marriage. When she was home she spent 10 hours sleeping and usually woke up right before work. The children or myself rarely saw her, nevertheless, I appreciated her hard work to support us. I was buying a car at the time as well and only owed $3000 more, when she convinced me that one car (her car from before the marriage) was enough and that we couldn't afford both.
Eventually in 2010, my mother's illness became so severe that she had to be taken into a care facility, at which time I voiced my desire to go back to work. My wife stated that we could not afford daycare, and that we saved more than I could earn by me staying home with the kids and going to school (which pays me a $2000-3000 disbursement every semester).
At the beginning of 2011, I again voiced my desire to work, more loudly, stating that caring for people had burned me out and I feared I was facing depression. Once again, I was told we could not afford this, and my wife assured me that I was doing more than enough to support our family.
As recently as may, however, her opinion changed to one that I was just sitting around and making her do all the work. Then I was not keeping the house clean enough, then I was not active enough with the kids, and eventually culminated in her stating that I was not being a father.
Perhaps this was her internal struggle with her infidelity creeping out, I don't know, and I don't really care. What matters to me know is that she has already threatened to take custody of our daughter (my stepson as well, of course) and pointed out that no court would ever give me custody since I have not worked or have no car or money.
I gave up my job, my car, and even my disbursement checks to take care of this family. When I tried to use one of my disbursements to enroll my daughter in daycare, my wife demanded a new washer and drier. I conceded and let her decide on what she wanted.. She spent the entire $2500 on a set of front loading, steam cleaning, technological marvels which are far too expensive and stylish for our means or standard of living.
Phew.. I don't know what to think or what to do. I am penniless, I gave everything I ever earned or saved to this family, and I feel trapped and hopeless. I cant afford a lawyer, much less show a judge that I can support my daughter. Certainly I can work, and would love to, but I still have the same problem, I cannot afford daycare to work, and I don't have much of anyone to help watch her while I am at work. My wife also told me that a judge would not allow a child to live in a home with no power or water, so I can only assume she has not paid the bills or plans to stop paying them in an effort to degrade me.
She just turned 2 in may and has spent 98% of her life with me, every day. I wanted a little girl all my life, and now we are so insuperable, that I cannot envision my life without her here.
I know there is no way to really guarantee anything if she decides to take me to court, but judging from my story, does it seem like I have a chance at custody?
I will try to work the arrangements out with the mother, as court would only serve to make matters worse, but if she does not allow me primary custody, I will have no choice.
Also, as I mentioned, I am penniless and without transportation. I couldn't even afford a lawyer to help me with my mother's estate, which is still in limbo I guess.
I just don't know what to do.